Commercial real estate brokers need to die in a fire. All of them. To a man.

We've now missed our opening because apparently, people don't bother to check in on things unless you call them up and tear their heads off twice daily. Brokers don't think you're serious unless you threaten to walk from the property a couple times a week. And they don't think there's anything wrong when they tell you that the HVAC unit is fine, and it's totally sized appropriately, and the landlord will be a gentleman if it breaks, and then your own guy goes on the roof and discovers it's a Lenox from 1968 that hasn't run in ten years and is sized for a building one quarter the size of yours. Meanwhile the number your architect thinks is appropriate for a budget gets you laughed at by one of his contractors (the one he says is "hungry for work") and one of the others doesn't even bother calling you back. And then the bank you've had since 2002 sends you a letter letting you know they're not going to extend you an f'ng HELOC because they've decided you're a credit risk (ORLY? You guys do realize that you gave us a line of credit twice as big as what we're asking for not five years ago and we never used it, right?) right about the same time the bank your accountant turned you on to approves you for five times what you asked for, which is probably good, because your contractors are saying things like "you should probably recalibrate your expectations in this market" and your designer is speccing $800 sinks.

But then you get something like this and maybe, just maybe, it's gonna be real.

I can say without hesitation that this has been the absolute worst experience of my adult life and the money is just now starting to bleed out. I can also say that it's been the absolute worst experience of my adult life entirely because of the commercial leasing process as evolved by the aforementioned DIAF fuckheads because you know what? They're going to wait me out into buying $7500 in wall upgrades I shouldn't have to pay for and $20k worth of HVAC they should be on the hook for because they know that eventually I'll get sick of yelling, eventually I'll realize that through two brokers and three firms (no lie! Our current guy quit his job of 18 years IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR DEAL!) we're still coming out ahead, and eventually I'll get to the point where I know I can curse the mutherfuckers under my breath every day for the rest of my life because after I fucking sign a contract that's $30k disadvantageous to me, they'll go away, collect their 3% commission and I'll never have to fucking speak to them again.

And that's how I've "recalibrated my expectations" to victory.