Well you are never going to get as much attention you need, from online friendships. The amount of happiness or chemical validation, is just too small. I recommend the book The Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff. It is about how affection affects social development. It is a pretty controversial and tiring, way to parent. Though the therapies for adults at the end help people with cold parents.

You are not perfect, the girl you are looking for, isn't either. You should learn how to have an affectionate relationship, before you go too deep into BDSM. Chemically snuggling, releases Oxytocin, which is similar to opiates and helps you bond with others. Don't engage in kink without the groundwork that says it is all pretend.

Working out 4 days in a row is a big deal, you are only supposed to work out three days a week.

Everything takes time, to learn how to do things well. Writing, kink, accepting yourself, all take practice and discipline. You need to work from the ground up, accepting yourself, and others. Remember, kink without a wink is abuse.