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Isherwood  ·  3267 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's writing prompt: The Middle

Absolutely killer banter. The dialogue was cheesy but totally believable and endearing to all characters involved.

The only thing I have to say is that three rules of conversing seem to float outside of the story. If he was pulling them from the pool of fireball pooled in him brain as he crossed the bar, or used them in the conversation, I could see how they hooked back into the story. If you can pull those rules in to the ending, I can see it hook back into the story, but right now it's just kind of floating above everything like an Emily Post rulebook sitting on the back bar between the Cutty Sark and Jim Beam.

Maybe I'll like it once I sleep on it, but for now it seems odd.

    Tonight he had a wind named Lauren at his back

This though, fucking brilliant.