There's a book that might help you called "The Untethered Soul." Title's a bit new-agey sounding. And later chapters are too new-agey for my taste. The first few chapters, however, forever changed me to immense benefit.

Basically, you've got a running commentary in your head at all times. Shame, confusion, disappointment, expectations, assumptions, you can go round and round, beating an idea, failure, mistake, into the ground, oh no, over and over again, and it spirals, gets tighter and tighter, winds you up tight...

The first few chapters taught me how to avoid that. It itakes paying to attention to the chatter going on in your mind, what is that chatter saying. See it as a separate voice. Is that voice telling you anything useful? Anything you don't know already? And so forth. I mention this to you because I've found it very helpful with regards to instances of anxiety, frustration, hostility, shame, identity confusion, etc.

p.s. Cognitive behavior therapy and/or Dialectical Behavior Therapy might help. These are practical forms of therapy, problem-solving and pattern-changing, rather than emoting/talking about childhood type therapy.