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I'd suggest going back through your essay and cutting out every unnecessary word or phrase. I'm finding it to be densely cluttered with many unnecessary qualifiers.
Go back to rhetoric basics and put an easily understood thesis statement at the start of the essay. Break down each of the subjects you want to explore in support of your thesis into paragraphs. I think you'll find that introducing the discipline of paragraphs corresponding to ideas will make you write each section in a more focused and readable manner.