Thing is, that friend? She tells me, she doesn't know if she's in love with him. She wants to know, what love is.

I think I'm still going to go with "if you don't know if you are in love then you aren't in love."

What troubles me most is it sounds like there is the potential for some real deep seeded resentment due to the financial situation, paying for him, etc. The resentment can be on both sides: she may resent him or end up resenting him for not pulling his weight, being a burden, not working hard enough to find a new job, etc. He may resent her for doing what she is doing and feel like he is not worthy, he is being cared for, he is lesser for needing assistance during this time, etc. It's complicated but I've seen many modern men still get their dick tied in a knot when the girl makes more money than him or if he does not have the ability to pay and do everything he wants. I dated a guy for a while who never wanted to be seen taking money from me and never wanted to be seen not paying the bill. As we were both equally broke and frugal, I often gave him whatever money I was planning on spending before we went out so that he would be seen getting us drinks, paying for dinner, and I would never be seen with my wallet out.

Since I'm receiving this information from you rather than from her, I won't make too many assumptions regarding this. It does sound like the potential resentments are definitely there and something that I would be worried about. Obviously, being worried about potential resentments isn't a very good sign of a healthy relationship. :)

I completely agree with you about the honeymoon vs long-lasting love. So here's my take on long lasting love, which has some similarities to yours. Family is a good place to start as it has this level of inescapability. But you don't choose your family and you can't leave them. In modern America, people leave each other all the time - even long lasting marriages. So I think one thing that love is loving, knowing, and wanting to love this other person forever, having no doubts about this fact, and no thoughts that it could be any other way. Just like you can't leave your family, love kills all doubts that you could leave the other person or live without this other person.

After a while, you fall out of lusty, sexually charged, hand holding, kissing over dinner mode. This love is not as easy to describe (or nearly as fun) and I characterize it as companionship, undying support, teamwork, and togetherness. It shifts from this thing where every little thing is exciting to where your relationship is just always there. This is also where your individual life starts to come back. You both have your personal goals, dreams, hopes, inspirations, jobs, hardships and, while separate, your relationship is like the motivation and glue and driving force behind what you do. You want to be better and you are better because you are have this other person. Honestly, I think falling is love does great things for your career and personal dreams.

I see this with my parents a lot. My dad has his businesses and his work and his boat. My mom, since she's retired now, has her things like yoga, church, friends, tutoring, and substitute teaching. They both do all these things separate and my mom couldn't give two fucks about the faulty o-rings on the water intake of the boat and my dad couldn't give two fucks about yoga. But they consult each other on everything, they give and receive advice, they are supportive and push each other to think bigger, do better, overcome challenges, etc. The simple knowledge that you are not going through life alone and you have someone right there with you to accomplish everything makes life easier and better. They take care of each other always and would do just about anything to help one another - sometimes to a fault. My dad can be extremely annoying in his willingness to help and offer everlasting support - I've heard my mom say, "you know, sometimes you just want to rant and have someone listen, not have someone attempt to solve your every problem." I told her that's what she gets for marrying an engineer. In the end, we both realize that it comes from a good place. Similarly, if my dad asked my mother to help him on the boat, she would be to the boat immediately and hold the o-ring for as long as he needed. (I have no idea what you do when you fix an o-ring, obviously).

The other remarkable thing is that they can get annoyed with each other and poke fun at each others idiosyncrasies and be (in my opinion) incredibly harsh with one another at times. However, it never penetrates their love? I don't quite know how to say this. It never is deep? It's part of them and their relationship. And they are comfortable enough, trusting enough, and confident enough in their relationship that all the little things have no bearing on their relationship. When you can be openly annoyed with someone for something and still go to sleep happy with each other at the end of the day, then that is love. I doubt they even talk about it. Because it's just one of those things that is there and they still are completely sure in themselves and each other and their relationship. It's not even a thing. I don't know. This paragraph is a mess. Also, since were going to roll with the half-thoughts and messiness, another example of this is thing I remember seeing more as a kid and never seeing in any other relationship. My parents had a running joke about "my dad's girlfriend" and "my mom's boyfriend." For example, we'd be watching a movie, the house phone would ring, no one was there, my dad or I would ask, "who was it?" and my mom would joke, "must have been your girlfriend." (Obviously, it was most likely a robot call who failed at doing it's only job.) Similarly, my dad would come upstairs and see the Atlanta Braves on TV and go, "oh you're just watching your boyfriend (Chipper Jones) again." Again, these interactions are not "a thing." As in, there is literally nothing to them.

Most relationships I know, this situation would result in hard feelings, insecurities, slow building of resentment, etc. People say "don't go to sleep upset" because the unresolved issues will pop up later. The thing is, with my parents at least, it's not really unresolved. It's more similar to "agree to disagree" or simple acceptance or something. I'm really sure what it is. It's not a sign of lack of trust and no one, including me, ever thought that my dad had a girlfriend or that my mom was even the slightest bit worried about him having a girlfriend. It's just shows their utter and complete trust and how they are on the same page and have this understanding of one another that is very rare. My boyfriend and I are getting there. We can have little arguments and disagreements and whatever and go to sleep knowing that we are going to wake up together still and happy still. Considering we are both incredibly stubborn and hard-headed, this is impressive, to say the least. It's like a different, bigger form of trust. Once you know that you are in this thing together, nothing can affect that. And once you know that the other person is going to be there forever, the insecurities and reasons for not going to bed upset sort of fall away. I guess issues are only issues if they have the potential to create or amplify insecurities and affect your relationship. Once you get to a point where you aren't insecure, the issues have to be much, much bigger.

I think the biggest thing about love is the trust - but it's a much different trust that the trust we typically hear about with love. It's not "trusting" someone to go out to a bar filled with sexy people and not fuck them. It's this huge level of trust where you absolutely, undoubtedly know that this person is going to be by your side and help you conquer whatever comes your way. It's knowing that you are together forever and on the same page and with each other through everything. It's knowing that nothing - not even Chipper Jones in his hey day - could ever touch your relationship and the love and respect and companionship and everything that you have with this person. I think that's that big ass, long lasting love.

I also know that thenewgreen has this with his wife, although I don't them enough to come up with examples or attempt put their relationship into words. Maybe when he's not running around being thenewgreen he can comment.