Hm.

Am I comfortable in my own skin? No. When I go to the bathroom i avoid looking in the mirror, because when I look in the mirror I hate what i see. No, I am not exaggerating when i say that - That is what life is like with Gender Dysphoria.

When have I felt most comfortable? When I play my instrument. When I am playing, my body disappears and I am, if you want to get spiritual about it (and I usually don't), transcendent. It's a great feeling to be more than myself, or part of something more than myself, especially when i occasionally feel anchored to my own body.

On the outside, I am a 5'10", 280 lb quasi-muscular dude with a growing mass of jew-fro level curly hair (though the hair is improving as I take better care of it). I am not a particularly feminine looking person. In that way, for my life, puberty wasn't kind to me. On the inside I look like this. That's Lady Feral. She's ex-military, and transitioned when she was 29 or so, and is a Blacksmith for a living. She gives me hope that I can transition into something resembling what I feel like inside, which is probably closer to this.

When am I most uncomfortable? Well, storytime.

When I hadn't come to terms with who I am, I grew a giant beard. I grew a Yeard, in fact - No shave, no trim, for 365 days and then some. I looked homeless, and my lack of self-care didn't help the look either. Later, as a second beard was developing out of two weeks worth of not shaving, I noticed that I hadn't looked in the mirror in about two weeks, and that I had looked in the mirror maybe once a month the entire time I had the yeard. I realized that I wasn't not looking in the mirror because i was distracted - I was avoiding it because I hated what I saw there. Head down, look into the sink, look at the hands you're washing, turn around, leave bathroom. That moment when I had that realization is when I felt the most uncomfortable I ever have in my own skin.

Some lesbians will have a "beard", a boyfriend to throw off conservative parents or other judging onlookers. I had a literal beard to try to fool myself. So now I make myself look in the mirror, and try to practice some self-love instead of some self-hate. Sometimes I even see some girl poke out and I can smile about it.