Another comment, this post has some great bits in it, stuff I've really empathized with at one time or another, but I think your conclusions are wrong. I really do. It reminds me of the post in the "what do you want to be when you grow up" thread the other day, with the human condition observation stuff -- and crap I'm incoherent -- but basically you're right about everything, especially:

Yea, this is usually the response I get when I mention something I've thought about for a long time. The people who listen will always go "yea, you are completely 100% right. But you see, your conclusion is obviously wrong, and X is obviously the right answer". Even though it doesn't follow. It amuses me to no end. Movies, Music, Fashion, Philosophy, programming, science, books, etc. Everything I seem to pick out and approve of, people agree. But then I say something that follows like rejecting what isn't what I picked out, they immediately dismiss my statements, as though they can't reject their previous thoughts.

I used to reject my thoughts on a daily basis. At first it was simple stuff. Why is the sky blue? That resolved itself pretty quickly. Why are clouds shaped the way they are? Again, another mystery easily solved. I believed one thing because of the way I was raised, and I quickly dismissed it and found the correct solution. I do it all the time. Even today. I've recently ditched my old music in favor of new better music that I have found. It seems people latch onto things even though it is illogical.

BUT -- why does this depress you? Why do you feel stuck?

To answer the first is to explain my entire purpose of doing things and my entire way of thinking. Growing up, I just did what I was told, not really thinking about much. I'd do the problems on the board, clean my room, and then just play with toys and video games. A simple life. I forget when it happened, but I just kind of started questioning everything. And that's pretty much what drove me forward. I didn't care much for history, as that was all in the past. My big subjects where science and math, the two classes that answered questions. Math was a logic puzzle and a game for a long time. Now it's a tool. Science was different. Science explained things. And it's always great to learn something new. And so, I kept progressing and finding out answers to anything and everything. There seemed to be no end to the knowledge available.

So I kept going. Come 2013ish (and maybe late 2012) I start to notice that I'm coming up short. The internet started failing. No big problem, I'll just think through my problems. And I did. I started reading tangential stuff to see if that'd help. And of course, I took a break from my usual questioning, as I noticed differences in myself and I wanted to find out that was about. Fast forward to today, and I was back on my search. And I kind of realized that I hit the end. There's no big "hurray, you've figured it out!". There's no party, no celebration. No "good job". And there certainly wasn't anyone waiting for me.

After all these years of working towards it, and the end is just kind of lack luster. It's all circular and comes down to infinities and abstract thinking. Which makes sense I suppose. But I don't feel satisfied with the answer I've found. I guess I just wanted "more". There's still the big question, which my answer doesn't really answer: how/what is consciousness. And why it instead of something else? Just relying on the anthropic principle and that rough description of consciousness feels lame. Like a great idea on crutches. As if in 100 years there'll be someone who just figures it out. Like I'm just not getting something.

And there's a lot of times where I don't get stuff. I guess that's part of the reason why it upsets me. Or maybe it's just because no one seems to really care about this stuff, and they just say "move on already" when you bring it up. It's like "what does the fox say" is more important for some reason. And that's a depressing thought.

It also puts a complete stop on my whole train of thought. I can't just charge forward learning new stuff any more. I've pretty much hit the edges of everywhere. I'm thinking of moving on to art/fashion next. But maybe not. I kind of just have this rough idea of everything, and I don't want to be bothered by getting the details. There's no point, I was just after the big picture anyway. So I guess that's kind of why I feel stuck as well.

Another case of me agreeing with someone on hubski but drawing completely different conclusions from that consensus.

I've seen that quite a bit here on hubski as well. It's amusing.

Life is fascinating and incredible and if you're even bothering to read about quantum suicide that means you grasp some of its most beautiful facets.

No doubt. There's some really interesting/neat parts. And I have no problem grasping the concepts. I'm actually a big fan of time travel and alternate world stuff, so the whole quantum suicide thing kind of popped up naturally. As did the many worlds interpretation and the whole nature of time thing. All really cool stuff.

| I don't want to know the answer, life shouldn't give up its secrets so easily.|

How could you not want to know? It's pretty much the one thing that drives my day to day life. I've gotten into the habit of just looking up at the sky every now and again when I'm outside. For no reason. I just like to look up there and imagine what I'm missing out on. And planes. I fucking love planes. Never been in one, but they are so interesting. I always stop to look at them in the sky.

I fucking love that we as a species have no idea why we're here, or if there is a why, that maybe we're here for no reason but chance.

I hate that. And I'd really love to just be ignorant and religious, content with the stories provided. But of course, my natural thought process killed the idea pretty much instantly.

Logically, we are here because we must be. No more, no less. It's a logical possibility and the possibilities must occur, due to the infinite circumstances. And as there are observers, there must be something observing. And that's "us". It all makes very logical sense. It's a clean consistent answer. The only one I've found, actually. As the saying goes: "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."

Or maybe we have a grand purpose, but you I and will be long dead before it's realized.

You know. Death doesn't really bother me anymore. It did for a long time. I'd always be really scared of anything possibly occurring. But after typing up that long post, I just kind of felt relieved. And my anxiety was gone, at least for a while. It was nice, being able to walk around without worrying, without thinking about everything. I wonder if I'll stay like that for a while. The game I'm currently playing through seems to help as well.

Keep making posts like this. I should really stop getting on hubski while I'm drunk, but I enjoyed thinking about this.

Yea, I tend not to post much stuff, and I'll usually just comment on various things. But this post was special. I kind of got wrapped up into the idea, and I don't really have an outlet. Reddit doesn't work, and neither does Facebook. I can't really talk about it with family, as most of my family wouldn't be able to follow, or doesn't care, or just ignores me anyway. And I don't really have any friends. So I figured hubski would be the best place to post my thoughts.

As I said, this stuff has been on my mind for a while, which is why I was able to write so much on it. Though, I'm considering doing another (unrelated) post in the near future. Hopefully it'll be as thought provoking as this.