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comment by humanodon
humanodon  ·  4214 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Today's Writing Prompt: Encounters with an Ex or Naked Pictures

I've been tinkering with this one for a little bit. Sometimes it feels like encountering a person from the past causes the past to live again, if only when certain elements are present. I don't have a title for this yet, but the working title is Girls.

     Girls, I remember you as women.  That is, 
     I remember you, as a man.  I remember 
     the Important Ones, ones that taught me 

     Lessons.  Some girls I grasp ghostly gasps 
     of, the outer ripples of a taste of, perhaps 
     the way I didn't like her when she kissed.  

     Some girls I remember immediately, reasons
     why we never see each other anymore.  
     Some girls I wonder what the fuck happened 

     to and what I did to undo it, even if only
     a bra.  Sometimes I find a hair in some long 
     unworn shirt or held static in a notebook, 

     tracing fingertips along its length as if doing so 
     will place it back into your scalp, my fingers 
     on the nape of your neck.  Some girls I remember 

     for perfect moments, or the inference of one, 
     as a draft felt in the wake of someone passing.  
     I remember I said “I love you,” countless times,

     never bothering to count the times I meant it.  
     I learned nothing, except two became one,
     became two, becomes one again, that long ago

     in a tongue now forgotten except in the pulp
     memories of dust from a thousand codices, two 
     as one-by-one, flames on separate wicks, each 

     illuminated, never intersecting, never crossed.




lil  ·  4214 days ago  ·  link  ·  

This one gives more with each reading. I might have a suggestion, if you're interested.

I checked out your drafts blog as well. How does this work for you - the drafts - do you tinker with them for a while and then send them out somewhere? Are you writing with a writing group or alone in a smokey pub? Does your future book have a movement from X to Y?

humanodon  ·  4214 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks for checking it out as well as my blog. I am very open to suggestions or critique, so, please. Drafting tends to be very erratic as far as process goes. I chew things over a lot and don't know that anything is finished. As for writing, I generally write alone in my room and very occasionally in public. I do ask certain friends to take a look at my stuff and I look at theirs too. I don't have any real direction as far as collecting poems goes, though I do have one unfinished chapbook based around paranoia.

lil  ·  4214 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I love the ending - of course we bring a lot of our own experience to a poem.

I kept seeing this candle.

but of course you are talking about candles each illuminated, never crossed. Why would I imagine a braided candle on one wick? Maybe that's what I wish it would be.

First a question: when you use the word "tongue" in the almost last stanza - had you used that word in an earlier stanza in an earlier draft? Just wondering. More on this in a bit.

also, line six... "the way" ... "the way"...

humanodon  ·  4214 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Oh, I've never seen a candle like that. I'm not much of a candle guy, but I wonder if there's a name for those other than "woven wick candle" or whatever.

Thanks for pointing out the double "the way." I've changed it to "her when".

lil  ·  4213 days ago  ·  link  ·  

the name of this candle is braided candle or havdallah candle.... but I think I've seen a braided candle with two wicks as well....

French kissing in a tongue now forgotten...

humanodon  ·  4213 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Interesting, "havdalah" means "separation." That opens up some more room to play, thanks lil!