I've been tinkering with this one for a little bit. Sometimes it feels like encountering a person from the past causes the past to live again, if only when certain elements are present. I don't have a title for this yet, but the working title is Girls. Girls, I remember you as women. That is,
I remember you, as a man. I remember
the Important Ones, ones that taught me
Lessons. Some girls I grasp ghostly gasps
of, the outer ripples of a taste of, perhaps
the way I didn't like her when she kissed.
Some girls I remember immediately, reasons
why we never see each other anymore.
Some girls I wonder what the fuck happened
to and what I did to undo it, even if only
a bra. Sometimes I find a hair in some long
unworn shirt or held static in a notebook,
tracing fingertips along its length as if doing so
will place it back into your scalp, my fingers
on the nape of your neck. Some girls I remember
for perfect moments, or the inference of one,
as a draft felt in the wake of someone passing.
I remember I said “I love you,” countless times,
never bothering to count the times I meant it.
I learned nothing, except two became one,
became two, becomes one again, that long ago
in a tongue now forgotten except in the pulp
memories of dust from a thousand codices, two
as one-by-one, flames on separate wicks, each
illuminated, never intersecting, never crossed.
This one gives more with each reading.
I might have a suggestion, if you're interested. I checked out your drafts blog as well.
How does this work for you - the drafts - do you tinker with them for a while and then send them out somewhere? Are you writing with a writing group or alone in a smokey pub?
Does your future book have a movement from X to Y?
Thanks for checking it out as well as my blog. I am very open to suggestions or critique, so, please. Drafting tends to be very erratic as far as process goes. I chew things over a lot and don't know that anything is finished. As for writing, I generally write alone in my room and very occasionally in public. I do ask certain friends to take a look at my stuff and I look at theirs too. I don't have any real direction as far as collecting poems goes, though I do have one unfinished chapbook based around paranoia.
I love the ending - of course we bring a lot of our own experience to a poem. I kept seeing this candle. but of course you are talking about candles each illuminated, never crossed. Why would I imagine a braided candle on one wick? Maybe that's what I wish it would be. First a question: when you use the word "tongue" in the almost last stanza - had you used that word in an earlier stanza in an earlier draft? Just wondering. More on this in a bit. also, line six... "the way" ... "the way"...
Interesting, "havdalah" means "separation." That opens up some more room to play, thanks lil!