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comment by someguyfromcanada
someguyfromcanada  ·  404 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 15, 2017

The levee is about to break and the potential for catastrophe is fairly high.

Today I invoked my Power of Attorney for Property over my mother, who has advanced Alzheimer's disease, and she will not find out until Tuesday when we meet with her banker. It was a group decision with my siblings and her siblings. She is going to be furious, as is her default reaction now whenever she does not get her way. My mother is very smart and the kindest person I have ever met and she now only knows illogical rage.

Alzheimers is not just a memory disease as I thought it was. The most disturbing part is that it changes one's personality. She was a special education teacher and she now calls anyone that disagrees with her stupid. She has never used that word in her life and that is not who she is. I come from a multi-racial family and today she said my sister was a thief because that is how all Chinese people are. Followed that up with saying my sister is not her daughter because she did not give birth to her. My jaw literally fucking dropped. That is so far away from who she really is.

I am not sure how her current situation can be sustainable for much longer. I may have to invoke the Power of Attorney for Personal Care. AKA the nuclear option. The alternatives are either getting her 24/7 in-home help or selling her home and moving her into a place with full-time caregivers (that will accept a dog). She will be violently opposed to either. Ugh.

I am absolutely lost and do not see any possible positive outcome. I hope none of you are ever put in this lose-lose position.

goobster  ·  403 days ago  ·  link  ·  

My sister has worked in the senior care industry for years, and she pioneered the "senior move management" industry, which is focused on helping seniors (many with early stage dementia of one kind or another) transition from the "family home" into some sort of assisted living situation.

There are a LOT of resources out there for you to pull from... to learn how to deal with her anger outbursts, how to negotiate with someone who isn't "all there", what to expect, how to redirect when you see things going to a bad place, etc.

I'm sure Google is your friend here, but if you would like personal advice, I can connect you up with my sister who can give you specific, actionable, high-quality information and advice. PM me.

someguyfromcanada  ·  403 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you for the offer. I have spent countless hours talking to people (the Alzheimers Society, Community Care, doctors), reading, watching videos, etc. but had never heard of Senior Move Management. I am going to look into that more.