"We are looking for the owner of computer. Are you the owner of computer?" "...yes, I am 'owner of computer.' Are you the keymaster or the gatekeeper?" "Sir this is Microsoft. Your computer has a virus." "That's interesting because it's running CheezOS. What sort of virus?" "A very bad virus sir. We will need to clean your computer." "Great. Lemme get my Windex." "No sir not that kind of cleaning. We need to clean the files of the computer." "I'm going to guess that costs money." "...sir it is very important that your computer is clean of viruses." "I never should have given it shore leave in Port Au Prince." click I have a contact in my phone named "spam robodialer." It's got about a dozen phone numbers.
As soon as I asked "which one of my computers has a virus?", that was the last line of the conversation. Now I'm blacklisted, I guess. Odd numbers never leave me voicemail either, I think my acoustic cover of Lil' Wayne's "Ms. Officer" scares them off before the beep.