It came to me recently that there are two ways to tell the girl of her beauty in English: "You look beautiful" and "You are beautiful". The latter feels much more personal for some reason, even though both touch upon the same idea in a very similar manner: as if I reach to the soul of the person I'm saying it to, and not just the outer shell. Maybe I'm wrong; I'm just figuring it out.
Certainly, the best way to go would be honestly: compliment what you find attractive or worthy of praise. Even then, there are different kinds of honesty: I'm sure most females of any age will never find something like "Your body is good enough for you to star in porn" attractive.
So, let's suppose I find the girl I'm interested in physically attractive - how do I compliment that without any subtle negative or undesired connotations ("I like your body", which is much more sexual than aesthetical)? Either of the above, or something else?
The same question applies to any other kind of compliment: what do I say and how do I say it?
I am super insecure about my image and sensitive to feeling objectified (history of modelling and eating disorders doesn't help). A comment like "you've got beautiful eyes" makes me feel suddenly exposed - has this person been looking at me and judging me all this time? What else have they noticed and not commented on? Is it only my eyes that meet objective standards of beauty? If I didn't have nice eyes, would this person be ignoring me? etc. etc. However, the same comment phrased differently "I love looking into your eyes" or "your eyes make me feel gooey inside/like a kid again/insert-cheesy-phrase-here" will have a completely different effect on me. I will respond well, feel that the speaker is being honest, and be genuinely flattered. The difference is that the first comment is phrased objectively "you are x", whereas the second is more subjective "I feel x when I'm with you". Because it's subjective, my brain doesn't question it - I feel that the speaker is being completely sincere. Or something like that, anyway... it's sort of a difficult subject for me to articulate :/
Thank you for adding your perspective! Far too often, we forget that what we say to others is ALWAYS going to vary on how well it's received. Everyone's responses are shaped by their own personal journeys; all we can do is try our best and have a little empathy for each other. :)
Paying compliments is definitely a good thing! None of us get as many compliments as we should - in fact, we mostly get the opposite (I'm looking at you, advertising industry...). I think War's suggestion is an excellent one. I'm trying to put it into practice, in fact. My suggestion is simply that when in doubt, it can be helpful to phrase things subjectively in relation to how they make us feel, rather than calling on some sort of objective beauty/behavioral standards that might be misinterpreted. Incidentally, everyone on this thread makes me feel really happy and optimistic about the future of humanity :)
(was that OK?)
What are the best ways for a girl to respond to a compliment? ;)
I would say get in the habit of giving anyone a genuine compliment, man or woman. I find that when I did that it became a lot easier to just simply compliment someone and leave it at that. I would say the best way to compliment a woman is to share the sentiment, and then to leave it at that. Don't look to push it too far beyond what you want to say.
Your entire attitude is wrong. It seems like you are distant from, uncomfortable with, and perhaps even deeply intimidated by, the girl you are courting. No matter what you say to her in this state or how well thought out it is, the insecurity will be visible through your body language, and it will not be attractive to anyone. Relationships are primarily emotional and physical in nature. The first things you have to ask yourself are 1) whether you can be comfortable being very close friends with this girl, and 2) is it reasonable that she could find you physically attractive? If the answer to either of these questions is no, then either fix the problem with yourself, or seek out a relationship with a different person.
I have to disagree with your comment. Everyone is a little intimidated by someone they're attracted to. It's okay to be nervous and want to get things right. There is always the real possibility that if you fuck up, she's going to lose interest or be frightened off. This applies to most social situations, especially when the stakes are high (relationships, career opportunities, etc). So, I can understand how ThatFanficGuy wants to do this compliment thing right, and these kinds of questions are exceptionally common from those less experienced in relationship etiquette. He shouldn't rely on it alone for courting, but there is no shame in gathering more information to give it your best shot. I think you are reading into this post too much; ThatFanficGuy's relationship to the girl is not mentioned. Plus, asking an insecure person if it's "reasonable" for someone else to find them attractive will very, very rarely get you an objective answer.
It's best to compliment choices rather than natural physical attributes. Compliment choice in clothes, accessories, hair, even make-up rather than her body. At times, you can use "you're beautiful," but that's probably best saved for girls you have an established relationship, not people you've just met. When you're saying it, be sincere, if you don't really mean it, don't say it. If you follow that rule, you'll do fine.
Well, don't compliment her too much, but also keep the compliments short and sweet. For example, I'd tell my wife something along the lines of "Baby, you're a treasure" and not "Baby, I adore you so much, all day everyday. You're just so wonderful and amazing it hurts."
I actually think it is best to steer clear of compliments on her physical attractiveness until you are already in a relationship, preferably with a sexual aspect to it. Pretty women get told they are pretty all the time, and sometimes it can just get old or feel like an effort to get into their pants. Compliments about how much you enjoy their company or what you admire about their personality are much more rare and meaningful. However, once the two of you have a thing going on or have had sex at least once, go nuts with the compliments about her physical appearance, and phrase it in whatever way feels comfortable. She'll want to be reminded that you find her attractive once you have something established. Also, it can be sexual or non-sexual after that point too. Presumably if you are already having sex then making a more sexualized comment wouldn't be unwelcome either.
Tell her that her dress, or cloths, look very becoming on her. Then again if I was on her I'd be cumming too. Sorry, couldn't resist. I don't know about others but I will tell them that they look very nice. I'm not trying to tell them they are sexy and let the inner sec drive out. You just have to be genuine about what you say and don't do it in some creepy way, they'll understand what you are meaning.