I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I decided to get tested at my university after realizing I have the attention span of a squirrel, I am an extreme procrastinator, and I cannot hold a conversation. The first two problems I believe I can fix with practice and dedication. The third, however, stumps me.
Some conversations I have no trouble with at all. Other conversations either drift completely away from the original topic, which confuses the person I'm talking to, or ends abruptly because I just don't know what to say. Hubski, please help me. I need some tips on how I can keep a conversation moving while staying on topic.
If you are really interested in the art of conversation start with these two tips: 1. Ask questions, but make sure they are open ended. For example, don't ask "do you like Hubski?" Because that is a yes or no answer and doesn't drive conversation. Instead ask, "What you think of Hubski?" If you really wanna get things going, ask high impact questions, "What are you passionate about?" Why"? 2. Listen. Keep eye contact and listen. Actively. Really listen. Then paraphrase: "Okay, so what you're saying is that you're passionate about music because your father introduced you to music at a young age and it makes you feel close to him?" -you don't have to paraphrase in such an obvious way, but it does help someone know that you are engaged and understand them. People long to be understood and heard. Good luck!
I think there are a variety of things that can be done, as other people have mentioned, such as being concise, and just listening. One thing that helps me is that my husband will call me out on it. He'll say "squirrel" when I drift in the conversation. If you have an SO or good friend that's willing to call you out on it, to start noticing it, that can be a good thing. One thing I do is try and limit myself from telling stories that may (in my mind) relate to whatever the topic of discussion is, because 1. my story probably doesn't relate, or the connection is too thin to be understood and 2. people probably don't want to hear it anyways. Another thing to remember is that it isn't inherently wrong to wander off topic in conversation, unless it is a directed conversation, such as a business meeting, etc.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I stopped medication at the age of 7 (personal choice, not recommended for everyone). I've found the best way is to let the person do most of the talking and just listen. Respond to their points, ask questions about what they say. People love to talk about themselves and express their thoughts, remember this and you can get people to open up to you in very surprising ways.
I'm 40, I think I would have probably been diagnosed with ADHD back when I was a kid but it was a new diagnosis and people just thought I was "lazy" or whatever. I've struggled with procrastination my whole life, and my attention span, and conversations, like you. I'd like to say I've solved it all but I haven't really. What has happened, is that I'm aware of it, and my behaviour, and that awareness has modified my behaviour. So see how it goes I think you might find just being aware you might be drifting, may keep you closer to the topic. In a professional setting, I've become quite strict in my conversations. If I have a meeting, I state the things I wish to discuss up front, what the goals are of the meeting or whatever, and keep it to 2 or 3 topics. Once a topic has been agreed on, I move immediately to the next and so on until done. I don't do free meetings where we can zip all over the place as I find it a waste of time and I love wasting time talking about nothing.
I believe being aware of it has helped me too. But sometimes it's hard to even be focused enough to even realize that you should be aware of it, you know? What you said about meetings is helpful though, thanks. I'm not a project manager or anything but when we have meetings at the company I'm interning at I do have to usually say what I'm working on, if I'm having any problems, etc. Doing that in person might be easier for me but all of our meetings are over a conference line, and I'm not very good on the phone. Any tips on talking over the phone?
I'm on conference calls all the time. Keep the number of points you want to convey to a minimum and mentally keep yourself on the clock. 30 seconds max per point. Ask at the end if there needs to be more clarification on any of it. If not asked for clarification, don't offer it, or you'll ramble. I catch myself rambling ... :-) Learning to be concise is hard. Even on here and on reddit, I cut out large amounts of what I write simply because I realise after spending a significant amount of time writing a reply, that a large chunk isn't directly relevant, and I'm just rambling. It's extremely important, more than in meetings and con-calls, to be concise in your emails. Most people won't read long emails. Some will, carefully, but most skim and try to pull out the salient points. If you can be concise and make the salient points obvious, then you will be a much more effective communicator at work. Again, keeping the number of points down to two or three, is key. Keeping the length of sentences and paragraphs short, is key. One point per paragraph. Sacrifice less important pieces of information in order to make sure the more important information is delivered and understood.