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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  3788 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Muting in personal life

There are two people in my life I've cut out entirely. They don't exist to me. If I see them, I do not acknowledge them.

One of them has taken the hint on this and leaves me alone. The other one does not, and she insists on talking to me when she sees me. When that happens, I grit my teeth, respond shortly but mostly civilly, and work to end the conversation as soon as possible. If we are at a bar and she tries to buy me a drink I give the money to the bartender or I tell him to put my drink on my tab. I have unfriended and blocked her from Facebook because of her drama and because I do not want this person to have any insight into my life.

In case anyone thinks I am being drastic about this girl, she has shown up at my house uninvited and unannounced, knowing I did not want to see her, in an attempt to make me talk to her. She insists on talking to me if she sees me knowing I have no desire to talk to her. She talks to mutual friends about how she doesn't understand why I don't talk to her and even, if she sees members of my family, says things like "I'm going to talk to you all the time so hopefully _refugee_ will be my friend again!" She sent me 28 facebook messages in one day before I unfriended and blocked her.

The many things she did to cause me to take these actions to cut her out of my life cannot be fully extolled her, but the final straw was when she slept with the guy I was in love with, knowing full well how I felt about him, while he and I were still involved. She then lied to my face about it. Later, she claimed she was drunk and taken advantage of, didn't know what was going on. I find that hard to believe when I know for a fact she said "I've just heard so much about how good it is I have to try it for myself" to him before they slept together, and "You should go back to fucking my friend" after they slept together.

The other person I've cut out of my life is that guy.

I'll be civil if I have to; I won't start a fight. But I will not allow that girl back into my life.

That is probably more extreme than you meant for this conversation but frankly I only mute people in extreme situations as well. You have to really, really piss me off before I will even hush or ignore you. The one user on here who's not a spambot who I have muted? I muted that person because every time I read one of their comments I became angry. In the interest of avoiding drama I felt it was better I mute them (and not lose my temper and embarrass myself in front of the community) than feed into being continually enraged by their posts.





user-inactivated  ·  3788 days ago  ·  link  ·  
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_refugee_  ·  3788 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, I kicked them both out. Honestly her betrayal was worse than his; she and I had been friends for nearly 20 years whereas he and I had known each other for months. He didn't know the depth of my relationship with her either.

Unfortunately, because this woman is mentally unbalanced, she doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to both of them. She thinks I should talk to her since I no longer talk to him. That because I "hate him" now, I should be okay with her - as if only one person is to blame for that situation, or as if I shouldn't be mad any more because I'm no longer seeing him.

I really hate to moderate unless I have to. I may not like users but worst case I end up hushing them usually. (Hush count: 4) I think it's justified in the case where I know a user pushes my buttons so bad that I don't feel I can interact with them positively in any way, and for me to reach that kind of conclusion it has to be an extended negative pattern. I try for civility.

We have gone round about. That's fine. I believe strongly in my own views but I also recognize that I can't expect everyone to agree with them. I don't think that everyone values my opinion.

user-inactivated  ·  3788 days ago  ·  link  ·  
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Meriadoc  ·  3788 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I, too, have exactly two people that I refuse to ever speak to again.

One is an ex that I entirely cut out of my life that way. She deserved it every little bit as well, and to this day I wouldn't be civil if I saw her, which is saying something because someone could kill a family member of mine and I'd still retain civility towards them.

The only other one, whom I remained civil towards and spoke to for years longer than I should have, was my father.