"Trust" is not an abstract thing noway. Trust is a long series of reliable behaviours: saying you are going to show up, and then showing up saying you are going to phone/write, and then doing it making a deal to share a particular responsibility and then doing your part saying you will keep a secret and then keeping it creating an environment in which each party feels like he or she is relaxed, competent, and confident instead of an environment where you feel judged Perhaps _refugee_ or insomniasexx or even the adorable eightbitsamurai or anyone else can add what "trust" means in terms of real world behaviours. Sometimes trust happens fairly quickly - the way someone listens and understands. When you meet that person, you think, "I feel understood, I feel this person cares about me and not just themselves." This feeling operates in business transactions as well as intimate connections. noway -- think of one person in your life whom you trust, if anyone. Then think of why you trust that person. Think of someone who trusts you. Are the underpinnings of those relationships built on stale popcorn or on repeated specific behaviours that give you a feeling of safety?
http://i.imgur.com/XKLnB8p.gif I think that's one of the keys, and is very relatable to some of the shit I've been dealing with lately. I think it's difficult to obtain that sort of relationship with someone, but I also think that's what makes working towards trustworthiness worth it. If you can trust someone enough that you know that they care about you as well as themselves, you've reached a point where you can open to that person without fear of repercussions. Noway, I think you're mixing up the fact that because trust is part of healthy relationship, it should be easy to do so. That's not the case at all. It's hard to trust someone, especially if someone has burned you because of that lack of trust before. But if relationships with anyone were easy, we probably wouldn't even be having this discussion, haha."I feel understood, I feel this person cares about me and not just themselves."
Yup. More than mixing it up, I think I was just hoping it does. I'm just wondering, if relationships are so hard, is there something easier? Friends with benefits or something like that can be just as stressful depending on the partner. Oh people, such strange creatures we are.Noway, I think you're mixing up the fact that because trust is part of healthy relationship, it should be easy to do so.
There is something easier, and that's being alone. That's the perspective I used to take. But, on the flip side of healthy relationships being hard but worth it, being alone is easy but shitty. Trust me, as the high-school kid that had too much cynicism and sarcasm and assholishness than anyone should or could handle. Your perspective will probably change when you find someone worth trusting, in the same way people who say "I don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend" - because of constant rejection/an inability to reach out and ask someone out - find someone worth being in a relationship with.
This must be my lousy writing but I do understand what you're saying and I wasn't trying to disagree or define trust otherwise. These are examples by which I understand trust, so I absolutely agree; I suppose I was really just expressing my own discomfort with building trust where it feels more like a forgery, or a synthesis, than a cooperative effort. Perhaps I was forcing it where it isn't meant to be, perhaps I'm not "doing it right" or something.. perhaps I'm not giving it enough time. Anyway I very much appreciate your explanation so thanks, just making clear that we're on the same page in understanding, not so much execution.saying you are going to show up, and then showing up
saying you are going to phone/write, and then doing it
making a deal to share a particular responsibility and then doing your part
saying you will keep a secret and then keeping it