I'll throw out a loose proposition. Secrecy pertains to actions, intentions, even thoughts that directly concern others, whereas privacy is a more accurate term when there is little or no concern to others. A "secret" affair implies conspiracy. A "private" affair carries much less weight in its verbiage. This seems true of most affairs in general, not just emotional or sexual relationships. Oh, and as usual, I agree with the rest of your statements. :)
thx am_ I'm aware of that definition. I find the definition problematic because one partner might say this: It's a private affair that I do in my own time. It doesn't affect my feelings for you at all. It doesn't affect our relationship at all. Consequently there is no need for me to tell you, because it's private. The other person might feel differently. I suppose the margins of privacy would have to be negotiated. Someone just said to me that his partner likes to be alone more than he'd prefer; but they have different needs for sociability. His partner spends a lot of time on the computer playing games or reading (yes reading) soft porn. He says he accepts his partner's preferences and respects his partner's privacy. It's none of his business, he says. But when it comes to sexual partners, it is his business and they have established rules that they both follow (such as not in our shared house, for example).
Ahh, now I see where you were going with it, I don't think I was privy to the previous discussion. The other person might feel differently. Yeah, that can be one of those deep rifts that splits a good thing right up. Some people would benefit from having a mediator to raise introspective questions and to promote communication. Some people seem to be able to self-analyze and iron out the wrinkles themselves. You could probably make an argument that every moment of time in an intense relationship, there exists a different "feel" (to each person, even!) than any other moment of time for anyone else. Thanks, brains. We're all going to make some unique iterations of boundary lines. Case in point, lil's last paragraph. Would be interesting to see demographics on swingers, and other relationship/social practices. The reports of massive gay porn consumption in the middle east were awesome, after all.I'm aware of that definition. I find the definition problematic because one partner might say this: It's a private affair that I do in my own time. It doesn't affect my feelings for you at all. It doesn't affect our relationship at all. Consequently there is no need for me to tell you, because it's private.
Would be interesting to see demographics on swingers, and other relationship/social practices. The reports of massive gay porn consumption in the middle east were awesome, after all.
I am missing the connection between these two sentences. Perhaps the connection is best left to the imagination.
Oh sorry, I'm not trying to imply a tie between swinging and homosexuality, homophobia, or anything else. It's just always interesting to see social statistics, especially involving sexuality.