This is, chapter and verse, the experience I've had twice elsewhere. As to "damage" I'm not sure what damage that would be. As to consequences, I'm not sure what you're worried about. We are, after all, talking about someone who joined (not stopped lurking, joined) Hubski for the specific purpose of confessing an affair. And while it's possible that someone who is "devastated" would choose to introduce herself to a new community in this way, you have to admit the odds are against it.

As far as public v. private, I'd have me ignored, wouldn't you?

(don't you?)

That said, go ahead and be mad. Be self-righteous. And be offensive about it. I'd expect nothing less.