Hey Ben - perhaps one of the mentality and behaviours you want to model is the willingness to be open about reality and not hide it. They might know you better or differently than the image you think you are projecting. I don't know how much younger they are, and that's a factor, but perhaps you are closer to one or another. Being disappointed in your grades and feeling guilty is a reality. If this happens to them, they will want to share it with you. Running out of money is a reality. You hope they will problem-solve with you if that happens. Perhaps you can problem-solve with them. The fact that you have not made a special bond with one or another brother shows that your parents have treated you all equally and can balance the needs of each child. I hope so. It's just a thought and depends on age and maturity of brothers, of course, but I suspect they would like to be closer to you. They will have girl problems, maybe one or another is gay. If you open up to them, they might be more likely to share difficulties with you without being afraid of being judged. As for this statement EDIT: I have a brother who is almost five years younger than me. A real break-through for me was when I confided in him about some romantic problems I was having in my 20s. He was incredibly supportive. It really helped.I feel a pressure to never talk to my younger brothers about my own problems, because I want to try and give them a model of the mentality and behaviors I wished I had when I was their age.
But the larger problem is that there's nobody I can bring things like this to. (Except you internet!)
This isn't the internet. this is hubski. You're not yelling into the void. There's no yelling here, and there's no void.
>This isn't the internet. this is hubski
I appreciate the reminder, this place, at least for now, is different from the rest of the constantly maxed-volume stream of normal internet discussion. My relationship with my brothers is awesome, in the sense that they can and have brought there issues to me and I've helped them. If my problem is something like "Oh things didn't work out with so and so, I'm upset" they've been great at just listening to me complain. But I have to edit things for them, because I don't want them to experience the squeeze of a rough economy until they have to. So they don't have to imagine certain kinds of loss until it actually (if ever) happens to them. If I had to put words to the feeling, I'm afraid of informing them about certain kinds of stress because I worry that if I do they will be made aware of stresses and problems that a well adjusted 16 year old shouldn't be directly cognizant of.
One thought that occurs to me here. You can shield them from harsh economic realities and the stress which that induces, but I sort of wonder if that is completely necessary. 16 year olds are quite resilient, and they are at an age where they are beginning to choose their path, and re-affirm their own values and goals. I humbly suggest that exposure to harsh economic realities might actually be a service to them. While it may be stressful, it may also be formative and motivating. Maybe this sets them thinking in their minds "It's rough out there, I can't afford to mess around. I'm not going to let myself be put in this position and I'm going to get my degree and become a [insert high paying profession] no matter what. Nobody is going to stop me." I think to some degree I was shielded from a lot of the stresses of adult life in my youth, and I don't think it really benefited me. In very basic, practical ways, I'd have liked to have had more awareness of what people older than me have to struggle with daily. That's wisdom, and I think that it can easily outweigh the price. I remember after my mom divorced it was very rough for us. A bit after she had a relationship that she had to end because she felt the guy she cared for had a drinking problem, she didn't want that around her kids, so she ended it. One afternoon I came home and found her crying, holding a letter from him opening up his soul and begging her back. When I asked what was wrong she showed me the letter and asked me to read it, and wanted to know what I thought, and what she should do. It was really heavy, but that moment became a turning point in our relationship where she was my mother, but also starting to be my friend. It was changing to be let into her world of adult troubles, to have to step up and formulate a mature response that reflected my views, and to be seen as the beginnings of an equal in a small sense. I took it very seriously, and it had a positive impact on my development. It's amazing what having another person you care about depending on you can do, no matter how small the issue seems. What you view as stress for your sibling(s) could may well be an opportunity for growth with you that they will cherish. Anyway, just a small thought on that. Hang in there OftenBen, I'm an older brother too. Sometimes when you've got something difficult to communicate to someone, you just have to muster the determination, pull the band-aid off, and deliver the news with honesty, directness, and any admission of responsibility that is appropriate. Good luck with your parents.