My father is a pretty self contained guy who also follows his sense of whimsy. He's not as adept at social stuff as I am. I might take after him in a way.

My youth was intellectually stimulating in that I was expose to a fair amount of art, culture, news and had access to a lot of literature. My friends were pretty diverse and had broad interest all the way from when I can first remember until now.

Many of the neighborhoods I grew up in were a bit callous. Kids could be mean spirited and violent in their play. It bread a thick skin.

My mother was out of bounds harsh and controlling from about age twelve to the point escaped her clutches at nineteen. I think it was pretty formative, building up a wall between who I was and what people try to impose on me. There was a hardness and resilience in me before this point but this time in my life hardened my heart to the opinion of others.

I was pretty socially inept until I waited on a few thousand tables in my twenties. I learned that most people don't really care who you are aside from how you make them feel or what kind of energy you push at them.

Punk rock probably helped me live for me and care less about the world and it's expectations.

You wrote about an incident where you refused a gift from your peers. Next time accept. Accept because it's the kind thing for you to do. By accepting you would have given a gift to your peers. Your energy would be that of acceptance. Every time one of them looked at you they would to some small extent feel their own generosity reflected back at them, you would be to some extent a bigger piece of their world than before. I should have said this at the time you wrote it. This pain tires me, it hurts me, it's my shame when I don't try to help it to smooth it, to make it avoidable. This pain is my pain and I hate it, it's my shame and so I didn't say something at the time. All my most shameful moments are rooted in not facing the these pains. So next time accept the gift. None of your peers care who you are, they care about how you make them feel. They feel that you are apart from them, it's painful an awkward for all of you and they gave you a gift to make it less so. They care about the energy you give to them and how you make them feel, so next time accept the gift.