There are friends who are your friends and friends who are your caseload. How do you know which is which?

1. After seeing the friends who are your caseload, you might feel a little diminished.

2. You might feel you are putting in more than you are getting back.

3. Seeing friends who are your caseload sometimes seems like work.

4. You might have fun with friends who are your caseload, but they are mostly not your first choice if, say, you had tickets to something. You offer the tix to maybe three other people first.

5. Caseload friends might have been unreliable in the past. You don't entirely trust them to be there for you or to do what they promise.

So you have learned to be cautious around them.

Unless I make the effort to reach out or arrange something, I will hear very little directly from them.

If this person is your friend and not your caseload, tell him how you feel. I have a formula for a clear assertive message that can help you express your feelings.