Sorry in advance for the short response to such a long comment, but I think you've misjudged this a bit. I too was born in the nineties, and I too understand what OP is talking about, but I disagree with your diagnosis... or prognosis perhaps. Our generation definitely wastes too much time on the internet, I would never argue with that, but not all of us are deprived of meaningful social experiences. I too love LAN-ing with friends, but by far the best part of our get-togethers is what comes after that, when we sit around a fire, or in a dimly lit room and just open up. We talk for hours about everything about us, our hopes, dreams, fears, loves and if you were there, you would know that saying

Simply put, your friends haven't learned how to be friendly. None of you have.

is completely inaccurate. Now I will admit that we don't have these interactions nearly as much as we should, or would like to, but we still have them.

Not only that, but your line

my lofty position as Father Confessor of Reddit I get a lot of PMs. And they're invariably about someone's inability to connect or communicate with someone else.

seems to me to imply a strong selection bias on your part. I don't mean to really insult you by saying this, but I just want to know how often you interact with members of my generation outside of a setting where you are bound to see many at their lowest. And I'm sorry but

Yes, none of your peers know what to do in a crowd. Yes, if it weren't for online dating you guys would do nothing but spank it to hentai and yes, the whole "asexual" movement is related to the fact that you guys suck ass at forming a human connection with anyone you share a room with.

is quite a statement to make, one that is laughably, provably wrong.

I do appreciate your input, I will think about what you said further, but I just felt that this clarification must be made.

EDIT: typo