Sometimes I think the ease at which finding videos or scenes to fit my mood actually makes it more difficult for me now to successfully construct fantasies myself. This could also be a facet of my orientation (or a few other reasons), but it's something that I've tried to take steps and change - i.e. viewing videos intentionally posted by users, looking at pictures and trying to imagine things in my mind. (I hope it is something that can change). It also relates to the aspect of the videos that you discuss, in the sense that amateur videos theoretically are done intentionally and that they are hopefully actually enjoying it and wanting the attention. Of course, there are plenty of people who might view that opinion negatively, and I don't know if I can blame them - issues of pornography seem to be something that is more of a recent phenomenon, although it's not like the sexual history of mankind has been "vanilla." Nowadays it's not a desire that I have so frequently - it's as much a product of being home alone and have the opportunity.

I'm a bit weird in these ways. The physicality and psychology of sexual attraction is interesting to me, probably because I'm trying to figure out how or why I am what I am.