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user-inactivated  ·  1857 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: January 8, 2020

This has me pondering my own ability/inability to be around people.

Like you, I have a usual list of things that make me fun to be around, and I really enjoy being around people.

However, I find it absolutely draining. I will actively seek out interaction, and enjoy being sought out. But once the interaction is done, I feel like my brain has run a half-marathon and all I want to do is get to an area devoid of people. This feeling doesn't kick in during any social setting, it only happens once I get home or I find myself alone after seeing someone, so I don't suddenly want to be alone but... When I find myself alone after socializing it's like I can breathe again yet am also tired. I've always found it strange that I have this "breathe again" sense - having it sort of implies to me that what I was doing was stressful and tense, yet I certainly don't feel that way around people.

It doesn't last long. I'm usually fine later in the day but I think I've always been tied up in the idea of extrovert vs introvert and the inaccurate definition I held for many years. I thought an extrovert was outgoing and loud, boisterous and craved to be the centre of attention, whereas an introvert hated these things and was a quiet, withdrawn person. But apparently, it's more to do with how you handle social situations - with an extrovert being energized by interaction, and an introvert preferring their own space.

I feel a little in limbo - I love interacting with people, but I feel drained doing so. I operate poorly by myself for extended periods, but it doesn't take a toll on me like interaction does.

If I'm honest with myself, I'd rather be drained and sociable than full of potential energy but with solitude to direct it at.