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When I was your age, I would get really hung up on philosophy, trying to understand things and making big theories. I don't usually share my most depressing thoughts with anyone. I used to get really upset, when theories fall apart. If I am really sad, I am living in my head. I am much happier, since realizing I will never understand everything. What about a sativa or DMT? (If you want me to leave you alone, I will. If you want me to listen, I will. There are plenty here who care.)