When I developed skepticism. I used to be really, really into all this mystical occult shit. I was totally convinced that the world was illusory and I was more or less god, having entered the world to transform it into a utopia once an apocalyptic event sort of "tore the walls down". I ignored my body, I didn't work, I'd either be homeless, couch surfing, or squatting more often than not for quite a long time. Even when I did start working again reality took a back seat to my delusions of godhood. I was biding my time, waiting for the end so I could reveal myself to the world and basically take the reigns of reality once things got off the beaten path.

Romantic relationships were literally the only outward thing of importance in life because they represented the unification of a fractured deity. The flavor of Gnosticism I'd subscribed to made the unification of a divine form of male and female the means of liberating the world. Gender was basically the ultimate expression of our collective fractured deific ego. Love, sex, and reproduction represented the redemption of the physical world by return to a primordial state of unity.

Eventually I started questioning it. How could my life possibly be so fucked if I myself was basically omnipotent? I once believed that it was an effort on behalf of the fractured portions of myself (everyone else) to uphold the status quo and keep me from ending the world by realizing my potential. I had auditory hallucinations and intrusive thoughts that backed up this conclusion. Eventually it became a sort of contest internally between the idea that I was on the brink of enlightenment and facing every last line of defense the fractured universe had left and that I was out of my mind and totally absorbed in self-aggrandizing nonsense.

You can probably tell which of those conclusions is more appealing to believe about yourself.

I finally decided it was bullshit after, of all things, a concept I encountered on reddit. Someone brought up Russell's teapot.

If you don't know, Russell's teapot is a sort of thought experiment or commentary on belief. The gist of it if that given the limits of our measuring instruments, there could currently be a teapot floating somewhere in Saturn's rings and we would have no idea. It's absolutely possible that this is the case, at least in terms of our being able to prove that it isn't there. We all know it isn't there, though. Some deluded group of individuals might insist that it does exist, but without evidence this does nothing to increase its likelihood. It would be ridiculous to assume that every cosmic teapot equivalent exists, as we can invent an infinite number of such scenarios, none of which are falsifiable.

When I discovered this concept I immediately knew it was right. I spent some time reading about the null hypothesis, confirmation bias, magical thinking, and range of other ideas about skeptical thought. It was almost immediately transformative. For a while the intrusive thoughts persisted, but now that I knew they were a result of stress and delusion rather than a principalities keeping me psychically shackled, they lost their impact. I was able to identify symptoms, focus on stress reduction, and my life has improved immensely. I've been taking care of myself and my health has improved markedly. I went to the doctor and actually started taking medication for my asthma and allergies, which have always been a huge stressor to me and sometimes actually make it hard to think clearly. I still have some depression from time to time but all the wind has gone out from my manic periods and I'm able to manage stress well enough that I don't constantly have my mental state looming over me. Things are far from perfect, but now I'm able to function like a normal person. I have 21st century human being problems instead of omnipotent deity being harangued by literally the entire world to keep me from realizing my potential problems. Much more manageable, being actually real.

I'd certainly say that discovering and embracing skepticism was the most transformative experience of my adulthood. I shudder to think where I might be today if it hadn't proven to be the door out of madness.

The weird thing for me now is that I knew a lot of people who encourage me to think that way and who actually looked up to me for it. They thought my ideas were great, not a sign of mental illness gone out of control. Those people are not typically very fond of me anymore.