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The simplicity of the relationship is nice, and I like the emotional lopsidedness. Even when the narrator cannot speak with the weight of what he's (she?) heard he still isn't as emotionally low. In my mind I can see this overstuffed sofa, the shape of this girl who, through her body language is just wrecked, and a boy with puppy dog lust lapping it up, but the rest is kind of hazy. I can certainly feel these people, I just can't see them or their surroundings. But that was the immediate goal, and too much more length to the story might have taken away its beautiful snapshot quality, so take it for what it's worth.