I have many, many scars. Most are from adventuring and stupidity, some from altercations, but the most interesting, that I won't include photos of, is on my balls.

See boys and girls, what you probably don't know is that if you're a male, and you get the mumps, you lay the fuck down for the entire time. This is because, apparently, the disease causes problems in your testicles if you are standing. Namely, swelling them to the size of grapefruit.

Now, this is all well and good, as an aged veteran of being alive, that if your balls are at risk, you do what you can to help them out. The problem is, when you get the mumps as a five year old, laying down for two weeks isn't really feasible, especially while both your parents work full time, and even more when the doctors are incompetent and don't know that you have the mumps.

This five year old with two grapefruit between his legs of course leads to an immediate doctor visit, which leads to a testicular ultrasound, which leads to a surgery.

And that, kids, is how I ended up with only one testicle and a nice scar. The end. Sleep tight.