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I mean holy shit.

It reads like an Onion article.

    "...increase by 2.9 percent, which is the lowest increase since the 2.54 increase in 2006."

Ugh.

    "We really do want to keep tuition costs at a minimum"

and then proceed to increase student fees and give themselves a raise.

I'm just saying, buy me dinner before you decide you wanna FUCK ME, Boulder.

Oh wait! YOU'D MAKE ME PAY FOR DINNER TOO.