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Not sure how to answer this... but a lot of my veteran friends have killed themselves and I've been on that edge too, so it gives me more of a sense of purpose. If he had died it might be a different story. Dealing with alcoholics and drug addicts is a lot harder and makes me want to give up the fight moreso than anything else. I'm constantly looking out for the deceit and the manipulation that comes with their addictions and it can be really hard to not let this modality supersede compassion.