just more untowardly negative about myself and my future and potential accomplishments than normal and is warranted.

Haha. Ha. Ooooh boy. That is pretty much all I am right now. I have my job, yeah, but more or less the entirety of my future-- and I mean entire future-- rests more or less on the will of one person two months from now. I either get the job promotion that leads to me getting paid a liveable wage for the first time in years, and allows me to get my degree, and then go into my field; or I don't, and continue hoping that eventually something else will come up that allows that in a vague, undefined concept of 'soon'.

It's to the point where I don't even have enough money or time to have hobbies, let alone enjoy anything. I've spent two years feeling like I've done close to nothing, and haven't produced anything artistically and don't feel I've learned much of anything at all in that time. I feel as if I'm getting duller and dumber as time goes on. The majority of that is just from stagnation that will pass if I finally get what I need, and I know it's not necessarily true, because I've done things in that time, and I'm in the greatest relationship I could possibly be in or ever dream of being in, which is undoubtedly one of the most important accomplishments of my entire life. It keeps me sane and continues to grow every day and gives me hope, so I understand that wonderful feeling of having somewhere there to just know you on that level, but the idea of this stagnation of my career and life continuing past December is fucking terrifying.