During family vacations my family used to play Scrabble five or six times a day. Scrabble, then bridge, then Scrabble, then bridge. One day they discovered "Words With Friends" and now they play that instead. So on our family vacations everyone sits looking at their little iPhones, making stupid noises. I have no desire to play "Words With Friends" -- it's not Scrabble. I'm a purist. I own a copy of Word Freak. (Book or documentary, flagamuffin? Both, little voice.) I even got my grandmother another copy for Christmas in a bitchy gesture of protest, which she didn't notice. Anyway, I swore -- literally swore -- never to touch any of those games. They make me angry. So I unfortunately cannot take you up on your offer, even though it would be great. I don't know if I've ever made another vow about anything. But you gotta have one, right?