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I'm not saying that what happens when I deal with my or others' incompetence is the ideal (the ideal is that everyone realizes their errors and fixes them). I'm saying that this is the way it can turn out. It also ultimately comes down to whether the person perceives at any point in the process whether they have been incompetent. I can constructively criticize all I want, but the other person has to conclude they fucked up to change. They don't? I get tetchy.