I'm 22. I feel entirely worthless at this age.

Unlike my peers, I've never had an actual girlfriend and my relationships with women are pretty much zilch at the moment. Generally I'd get close to one girl just to be friendzoned then watch as I slowly drift apart from them as they jump from one bad relationship to the next. I've actually been hurt by several women in various ways whether through lying, being led on or just being cut off because I'm not cheerful, attractive or sociable enough, or because I've been unable to take insults from them.

I have friends but only a few and I'm not particularly close with any of them. In fact, sometimes I feel invisible to them.

I graduated from university last year with a 2:1 (or roughly a 3.2 GPA out of 4) in History. I'm still unemployed because I chose an Arts degree that has been considered the fourth worst degree for employability just narrowly behind Geography, Sport science and Criminology, been unable to find work and I'm generally hating the way things are at the moment.

The worst part is... I can't turn back now and I feel like all these years of studying history have been for naught because it's hard to even find minimum wage roles that aren't soul destroying. Going back into education into a more meaningful subject that has actual jobs going and would interest me (like say... Computer Science) isn't an option for me because I lack the money to fund a Masters, let alone a second degree (which I cannot get student loan funding for since the Conservative government closed that door about 2 years ago.)

I had aspirations at one point. When I was around 17, I wanted to be a solicitor, study legal cases and represent clients in court but then I quickly learned that this is a route you should only pursue if you're from a rich family that can fund your expensive legal practice course, have the right connections to get a training contract and have the drive to get good marks and get into a good university. Around that time, I also wanted to be a novelist but everything I wrote felt really cringeworthy to read after the first few chapters to the point where they were no longer salvageable and so I'd scrap projects left, right and centre.

Your early twenties is around the time you begin to think about the implications of death and what happens at the end of the road, and to tell you the truth, science and my lack of faith in a religion have made me a nihilist who believes I just fade out of existence never to come back upon death. That thought along is highly depressing. I want there to be something and every time I see any sort of tangible evidence that there's more to life and your consciousness than your several decades of physical existence, it's always shut down by any scientist.