Were you relieved to free yourself from that belief system?

The opposite. I felt tremendous guilt and shame. You have to remember that God was a real person, and it felt like I was betraying him...even though I didn't believe in him. Also I was turning my back on a good portion of my entire upbringing and what all the adults around me told me what being a good person was all about.

But that was short term. After that it was great. Basically just felt refreshing and nice to not live with the yoke of guilt and self-hate that that my religion preached from childhood. Just being able to have normal human thoughts regarding things like sex without being made to feel bad about it.

Do you ever miss the placebo effect?

No. Because the cost of gaining the Placebo of a supernatural guide is that you have to view yourself as inherently corrupt and sinful. You have to refrain from a whole range of healthy natural human behaviors. You have to believe that other human beings like gay people are corrupt and immoral people, and most damning of all, you must possess a bias against critical thinking. Fuck that on every level.