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I've been thinking a lot about this. The following is a bit all over the place - a response to the article and other comments in this thread.

This has been bothering me. I am okay with nude photos. I'm okay with the photos and videos I have of myself and my past partners. I'm okay with porn in general. I watch porn. I like porn. I don't think anything less of people who have photos or videos out there, but I do look down on people who perform in porn. And something about this girl and this article is really unsettling.

So what is the difference between the photos on my iPhone and porn? Even porn photos (like those in magazine or professionally taken stills)?

I think it is more socially acceptable to have naked photos out there. I would guess that a very large portion of people, especially the younger generations who grew up with iPhones and digital cameras, have nude photos - whether it's just for themselves, their partner or for a larger audience.

But the major difference between that and porn is the that sexy photos (or videos) are typically for personal use. The girl (or guy) is in control and, without diving into the psychology of why people like to take nude photos of themselves, its typically for personal pleasure. Once you transition from photo sets on iPhones to photos or videos produced for profit by a company, you are now creating something purely for the pleasure of someone else. As much as the author of this piece would like to believe she is in complete control of her choices and she gets pleasure from it, the entire porn business revolves around pleasing an outside audience (for money).

The more common something is, the more relatable it becomes and the less people hate and judge it. On another forum, I recall an older woman (~60) commenting that if she could've taken nude photos easily when she was 20, she probably would have. Unfortunately, having photos developed at the store wasn't a realistic option. She has a few topless photos from the 70s when she was briefly dating a photographer who developed his own photos. I don't think that reasons we take sexy photos of ourselves has changed - it has just become much easier to do so.

However, doing porn is never going to be relatable. Even as we become more open minded, sex is still a fiercely personal thing. Sex isn't typically put on display because it loses what makes it amazing. At least for me, amazing sex happens when I can let my guard down and have an intimate/sexual connection with another person. Even drunk sex, or sex with someone I am not completely connected to, has these elements. Sex is as much about making your partner feel good as it is about feeling good - I can orgasm but I get a lot of pleasure by making my partner orgasm.

I’m not just talking about vanilla sex either. Gay, lesbian, bi, rough, gentle, threesomes, orgies, s&m, with a person you love or a person you just met, it doesn’t matter. The end goal is still to give pleasure, receive pleasure, and experience a big load of sexual release. If you get more pleasure from being spit on or having sex with other couples, then that’s fine. I won’t pretend to understand why some guys like to watch their wife get banged by another guy, but I can understand the concept that it gives them pleasure. Even voyeurism, even those who get off on knowing someone is watching them, is lost in porn. Porn is created with the sole intention of getting someone - someone they will never met or talk to - get off on what they created in the past. I don’t hear porn actors saying that they get off by having sex with someone (or someones) they briefly met, under bright lights, while making sure their hair and o-face are attractive enough, in a room with 5-20 other people who are deriving no emotional or sexual pleasure from the acts being performed.

When a girl does porn, for whatever reasons, she must accept that the sex she is having is different. You can't chose your partner in porn, you can't let your guard down, you can't have that connection. Everyone has their kinks, but most of us don't stand on a pedestal and tell the world about them. The fact that she seems surprised that people don't understand her choices or her way of thinking is probably the most unsettling thing about this article. If you do make the decision to put it on a pedestal, then accept that not everyone is going to understand. I wouldn't expect my parents or my boss to understand my personal decision to have naked photos on my phone.

You can blame society or patriarchy or whatever but it comes down to most of us don't want our personal interactions to leave the bedroom. Not because it would make us a slut, but because it would take away from what happens in the bedroom. Similarly, I don't repeat amazing conversations I've had with friends. It takes away from the interaction, it takes away from what makes friendship special, and it degrades the value of the conversation. Plus, if I knew that someone else would be hearing every word of the conversation, I would be more selective and thoughtful about what I said. Once that happens, the conversation can't be completely open or in the moment and the greatness of the conversation is lost. It is now made with the assumption that you are no longer talking to your friend across the table - you are talking to everyone.

I know this is kind of a mess with a bunch of half thoughts. Oh well.