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Yeah I appreciated that haha.
As far as traveling the Texas Gulf, skip Galveston unless you're really into Texas history/historical buildings (and even then there's better elsewhere); I find that's the main appeal now. It's pretty ugly and it's too close to Houston. North Padre is bleak and beautiful and natural and all good things, I recommend it. Port Aransas is wonderful. South Padre is tourists, but maybe not in, say, January.
And the rest of East Texas is beautiful as well if you can get past the trash.