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comment by elizabeth
elizabeth  ·  1190 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 23, 2020

The deadline to apply for this job i'm interested is December 31st. So I'm right on time to complete my resolution of "finding meaningful work" from last year.

I just need to get that motivation letter finalized. It's a little nerve wracking, as I've never really had a full time job that wasn't a short contract before. I've always liked to work on my own things, or have a definite end date to whatever i'm doing. Something something commitment issues. Because I love being able to ditch and go travel around the world for a few months once in a while. Having to work full time on one thing, or having to ask permission to take a vacation? It's daunting.

But with the virus, travel won't be back for a bit. And i'm thinking it's a logical challenge for the next step of my life. I'll be working on a cool social project, with a good friend of mine. And i'll have to up my skills in many aspect when I'm doing stuff for a whole org, not just my own affairs. I'm going stir crazy at home, being occupied will do me some good and provide an excuse for social interaction, since work is "essential".

I've been inadvertently doing my resolutions à la "yearly themes" in the past few years. I think the year before was to "have 50% more fun" and I've definitely had a blast, learned a lot about what i consider fun, and optimized funness without the pitfalls and downsides, through trial and error.

I think it's time to think up a new theme for the coming year! I think maybe it's a good year to embrace adulthood. Try to cut out some of my childish irresponsible patterns, get more comfortable accepting scary responsibilities, learn to be better at difficult conversations, up my game in the household stuff, put in the work for my friendships, be more decisive.

It's like in the past few years, I became a person without noticing and it took me by surprise. I first had that realization about a year ago, and I was both proud and scared. Like at arrived at a plateau, without realizing I was going up a path uphill and I could see the beautiful view down. It was an easy path, and I was just always choosing the easiest, most pleasing and interesting path not expecting it would get me anywhere but just for the hell of it. On some level, something has changed and now I want to try doing things differently. Not sure how exactly, but I feel ready to move onto a new type of chapter.