I have to preface this with- I usually clean up and reorganize behaviors and patterns around this time of the year. Also. The implications that my situation is stable right now is in fact minutely understood by many parties in my life, including myself. No matter how many nice things or properties that are accumulated-
If the attention isn't there, then it can wither and disappear.
I don't have much to say at the current moment as this is the most free time I will and have had for others in quite a bit since the holidays have started.
I just got back from the beach.
While I was out of my home town, I reached out to some old friends. I felt the need to make amends.
I considered it a project for a bit, actually.
In my head, I built up all these different requirements and price points until I could make up for the fact of ditching my old life and chasing the addiction of "more."
I picked that up from a person from a hall.
I don't talk about the programs I am in, in here, and I wish I could, but I always get worried about what is considered okay and not okay around this space and others.
But I have learned more about myself from it.
I am making it a point to get an actual therapist again.
But, most importantly, when I reached out to my old friends- I found out that they are actually in my home town and around where I reside.
Not only that, but I told them I am an alcoholic and that I am sorry for... well... 4 years is quite a long time.
I almost put off talking to y'all here too- but I felt otherwise when I saw an AA posting on here.
I think that this alcove of people makes me feel safe.
I've picked up reading a book.
It's Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life.
Do you know what a bodhe tree is?
I really should take a picture of my tree.
My Sacred Fig named Assantha.
The poor thing has been part of my attempt at gardening. It started with leaves and about 3-5 fruit.
Unfortunately, it has been subjected to the winds and frigid temperatures much further north than it was picked up from.
In fact, it is in a pot and ready to be moved if I move.
And I believe that my fiance and I will be this year.
Also, on a tangent, I discovered a man who wore a wooden bodhe necklace and it was a couple generations from the original tree that supposedly Buddha was Enlightened under.
Lastly, I am also starting to pick back up on writing.
It's been cumbersome, but I have been really accumulating a body of work on my devices.
I'm also marking up anything I feel like I I too-
Books, stray papers, journals, moleskines, composition books, whiteboards...
Which is good.
That means I can really dig down deep and get something fun from it.
I'm for structured project posts this year!
But I do have to go for now.
Feel free to reach out- I'm very excited to share pictures of my projects, but it is what it is and I do need to get to sleep.