Good morning hubski,
This morning I was browsing /r/oldschoolcool and similar subreddits with some tea when I came across the photo entitled 'New Shoes' by Gerald Waller for Life Magazine in 1946. It depicts a young Austrian orphan, Werfel last name not given, expressing his joy at being given a new pair of shoes by the Red Cross. World War 2 made lots of orphans, and this kind of thing was very common for many years. I've seen this picture before and had a strong reaction the first time, but apparently it was a glancing blow compared to today. Something about the deep, authentic joy in this kids face, coupled with the tragedy that has been his life up to this point, struck me with a big heap of emotional insight. I sat and over-intellectualized this for a while, but after deciding to just meditate on the feeling, I can state a few things that I feel to be true, that are good and worthy inspiration to be more grateful, more compassionate for myself and others, and to continue to try my best to make a positive difference in people's lives.
1. Even with all the shit I've had to manage, I have been very fortunate in life thus far.
2. It feels really good to be grateful for the confluence of luck, hard work and the faith of all of the people who helped get me to where I am today.
3. Feeling grateful not only feels good, but it seems to naturally develop into a desire to want to give back. Not in any forced or expected manner, but a heartfelt urge to improve someone else's life.
As somebody who is (Mostly) on the upslope from a really insidious depression, it feels like I'm rediscovering some lost parts of my emotional spectrum. Something I either lost or lopped off when shit started hitting the fan all at once a while ago. On the whole, it feels really great, but there are still these angry, poisonous little bits that crop up, even as I'm feeling really good about myself, my place in the world, etc. I wrote up a few paragraph thing about them just now and deleted it. This is where adult temper meets juvenile exuberance. There will always be fear, doubt, uncertainty, and everything else bad that can occur to complicate our best intentions. Being aware of that, I can still plan to try and do something positive, and hope that my strategies and support network for addressing conflict and obstacles will be up to the task.
I'm very fortunate. I have a job that I enjoy, find more intellectually stimulating than most of undergrad, that pays me a living wage. I live in a town, in a time with the highest standard of living achieved by Homo Sapiens in two hundred THOUSAND years. My entire immediate family is alive, and I've had the good fortune to be close to my grandparents through their twilight years. As I learn more and more of history I am coming to understand what good fortune I have, and what bad fortune is in absolute, timeless terms. Current events reporting of most varieties would have us believe that our agrarian past was preferable to modern living, with no mention of the casual violence, disease and suffering inflicted upon people of all ages and stations in society, but particularly young children. Less than 10% of people who have ever lived are alive today. Thinking about how many lives were ended abruptly, violently, by illness or elements, really makes my problems seem trivial, petty and stupid. The picture of Werfel up there makes my problems seem trivial, petty and stupid. But when I think about those who have it 'better' (in trivial, petty ways), I don't bear them ill will. In fact I hope that most of them feel good and by that route, feel inspired to do more good for those who got screwed by the dice roll of the universe. So if I can imagine being compassionate for someone with 'more' than me, I can imagine that those with 'less' would hope that I would do the same.
Maybe a lot of this sounds cliched, worn out, conceited or just like rambling nonsense. I'm going to do my best to acutely remember this feeling, in all of it's nuance regardless.