So to me, I feel like I have been able to use the experience of not being sober to prevent myself from feeling the true cost of my actions. Like I can tell anybody I love them when I'm drunk because there's no cost to it; the alcohol kills my inhibitions and so the real me, who'd be holding back, nervous about the words and their consequences, is clouded by a me who doesn't have to think about those consequences and therefore can just charge ahead.

I agree that we are our actions, not our words. But alcohol makes actions easy which I think gives them less weight.

Does it mean more to forgive a former friend who's fought with you when you are drunk, and happy, in the moment, and inclined not to care, or when you're sober and you look at them and you can feel the heft of their past actions?

Yes, sometimes I say or do things when drunk that make me realize how I feel about something, and I didn't know before that drunk moment. So I think you can glean insight from your drunk self too. But I think some actions should be hard because in reality they are hard actions. You should feel vulnerable when you tell someone for the first time that you love them, because that is an action of vulnerability. When I'm drunk I don't feel that vulnerability.

edit: cc'ing lil because this serves as a sideways follow-up which dovetails a conversation we had many months ago. about five, i think.