Alright. So I'm going to attempt to be real without telling you to go out and rape. Let's see how that goes. (it's only 3am).

Girls like...certain guys. Call them the assholes or whatever. Say "girls don't like nice guys". It's not exactly that but it's what those statements are talking about. There are just some guys that I wouldn't ever be sexually or emotionally/relationshippy interested in. Yes they can be the nicest guy. Yes they can have everything I would ever want. But there has got to be some sexual chemistry. And I don't mean sexual as in literal penis in vagina sex sex. Just like...sexual in nature.

Whenever I hear the words "tell her my true feelings", I cringe. No guy has ever told me his "true feelings" until waaay later. There isn't like a couch scene where you watch a movie and then go "hey I like you" and then you live happily ever after. That is only going to result in awkwardness and force both of you to acknowledge the elephant in the room. In fact, I would argue that if any guy I ever dated or slept with had started with "hey I want to tell you something...I like you", I would not have dated or fucked him.

You know you like her. Trust me, she knows you like her. If the sexual relationship emotional shit isn't there, then it simply isn't there. You can't force it and trust me, even if you could, you wouldn't want it. Relationships and hook ups and all that fun stuff is only fun stuff when it happens naturally.

Furthermore, that "interested in a relationship" line is bullshit. Ignore it...sort of. I have used that phrase so many damn times when I wasn't interested in a guy. However, I have never gotten into a relationship when I wanted one. I have always unanimously (me, my heart, my brain, and my lady-bits that is) decided that relationships are bad and there are better things to spend my time and energy on. But I find myself in them anyways and, for the most part, it's been pretty great.

So, she could be saying "yo, I'm not interested in him" or "yo, this isn't the time or place for a relationship but if something good enough pops up unexpectedly I'll probably forget I said that."

So here's my advice:

1. Leave that shit alone. It isn't worth it. You are going to look back on this and laugh one day. Trust me.

Fully expecting you not to do that....

2. Stop playing the friend game. Don't be mean to her and don't ignore her outright. Simply stop chasing her for a week. Fuck the words. Fuck the over-thinking. Don't call her. Don't text her. Don't snapchat her a picture of your dick or whatever you kids are doing these days. See what she does. My current boyfriend chased me for like 3 weeks and I spontaneously replied to his texts and occasionally our free time lined up and we got to see each other. I wasn't that interested and I was really fucking busy and quitting my job and stuff. I had higher priorities. But the second my phone stopped buzzing ever morning, noon, and night... I texted him. I texted him because I missed talking with him and because I no longer took it for granted that he would text me.

3. Now, if she starts hitting you up, that's a good sign. If she doesn't -> #1.

4. Assuming you are either ignoring #3's direction to go to #1 or she's hitting you up...play it cool. Be responsive. Be nice. Forget to respond to a text or something. I don't know. Stop making her feel like she's the center of your universe for a second. I truly hate saying this because it can be so misconstrued as the "girls only like assholes" but here it goes anyways: I have never wanted to be with a guy when I was the center of his universe. Even when I'm in a relationship. I am fully aware how central I am/was to my boyfriend / ex's lives. But knowing a guy has better things to do than attempt to stick his stick in me is probably one of the biggest turn ons. It means he has found one thing more interesting than sex and that makes him much more interesting.

5. This is the hardest part. You must now force her...without forcing her literally....to get out of friend mode and into something more mode. Usually, I would suggest a nice alcoholic evening and dancing but that doesn't seem to be your style. So instead find something to do...like really do....and ask her to do it with you. And don't fucking take the pussy way out and go, "I got tickets for me and my friend and my friend bailed...wanna go?" But straight up and say, "Would you want to go to this show with me?" Now she knows there is a show. And she knows you want to go with her. If she says no...she #1. If she makes an excuse (I'm busy that day), see #1. If she says yes....then report back and I'll figure out how the fuck all that above shit worked and give you more advice. If you think her excuse is really valid, you can report back too. But I'll probably direct you to #1 anyways.

As for things to do...fuck the movies or anything where you can't talk. Shows really aren't that great as first dates but they work because you typically have a long drive and time in between sets. Fuck dinner because it's way too boring. Look for things like going to the beach (although that's easy to turn into a bunch of friends instead of the two of you) or going to an art show or something where you can engage, talk, and have things to talk about. That's another problem with dinner. There is literally nothing to talk about unless you are fabulous at small talk or happen to converse really, really well with each other.

PS: Also, I know the above was a lot of fucking and sex and stuff but it's all the same, regardless of whether you are trying to get with her or get with her. Even if you don't have sex, plan on having sex, it's still a sexual dance and human nature and stuff.

PSS: I am giving this advise solely on my understanding of the situation from this one post. Sorry if I missed some key detail last week that would make all that advice not apply. Link me to some backstory comments - you don't have to explain why I'm wrong. ;)

PSSS: Nothing. About. Sex. Or. Girls. Will. Ever. Be. Rational. So. Stop. Thinking. So. Damn. Much. ;)