THIS. IS. CARNE. ADOVADA!

So this is a Northern New Mexico thing. I have learned that this is what we call Mexican dishes that have been tex-mexified not in the direction of Texas and Jalapeños, but in the direction of poverty and excess lard and green chile.

Growing up, making carne adovada was always an extraordinarily tedious affair. One had to buy the right ristra at the right time.

Then one had to let it age.

Then one had to boil the chiles for just the right amount of time to reconstitute them, then one had to let the sludge sit on the pork for just the right time, then one had to add garlic and oregano and shit, and one had to put it on the stove for like two days.

I called my dad up for the recipe. I mentioned something about my mother’s toiling, terrible recipe, which I was willing to improvise on. Since they’ve been divorced for about 8 years, my dad said “well, I can’t give you your mother’s. I can give you mine.”

I’m so glad he did. Start to finish: 1hr, including 30 minutes in the pressure cooker. Czech it out.

1) GET A LOT OF PORK.

2) CUBE THAT SHIT

3) (add salt and pepper, because I’ve been doing a lot of Blue Apron and they salt and pepper everything multiple times and it seems to work)

4) BACON GREASE OHH YEAH

5) BROWN THAT SHIT

6) What follows is a brief interlude on “crushed” vs “minced” garlic. There are purists who say that garlic should always be minced because it tastes better. I am not one of those purists. I got into a discussion a few weeks back (ghostoffuffle?) about the amount of time necessary to crush garlic being equal to or greater than the amount of time necessary to mince garlic. Suffice it to say that Step (6) is intended solely as a refutation of this. All times include photography and herding a 2-year old sitting on the counter:

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7) Here is the primary place where my father’s recipe and my mother’s recipe diverge.

99 CENTS BOYEE (granted you need two with this much pork)

8) with oregano, right before the lid to the pressure cooker goes on

9) We’re now waiting half an hour. Considering we’ve pretty much got “pork” and “red chile sauce” we’re going to wing a salad.

10) Can’t help much with the mangos, but here’s a special tool for nuking things. This benriner/mandoline was purchased exactly six months before OXO started making them. If I had it to do over again, I’d probably buy the OXO rather than the Zyliss. But that was 2003 and the sucker gets used maybe three times a week. Take that, Alton Brown.

30 seconds later:

11) Another tool that’s virtually impossible to find these days: A decent, old-fashioned juicer. My wife bought this one at a garage sale for 50 cents. That seems to be the only way to buy them.

12) with cilantro and mango and salt and pepper and, having tasted it, ginger:

13) Yes, I know how to cook rice. Yes, I still own a rice cooker. Not only that, I own what I think is one of only two stainless-steel rice cookers on the market. It is dope, and it is also used twice a week or more.

14) Serve on rice with avocado and sour cream. Or, since we’re health-conscious, low-fat greek yogurt. Tastes even better. Perfect for cold days.

(recipe serves, like, 6)