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An Open Letter to /r/CenturyClub: "I don't hate any of you..."

You just make it very hard for me to respect you.

Look - I'm not Mr. Miyagi and you're not Daniel-San. You didn't ask for my Karate help and I'm not offering. But you are trying to teach each other the Crane Kick for no better reason than to impress each other in the school parking lot. The Cobra Kai isn't even after you.

The Admins don't give the first fuck about Reddit. They don't give the first fuck about its users. And they don't give the first fuck what you do, so long as you continue to add page views and links to external content so that their pagerank climbs. Not a one of them has the first clue about social media or online relationships - they view each and every one of you as an errant line of code. When a handful of you stepped out of line, they literally commented you out of the code. That's how it's done. They open the hood and add your username and/or IP to the list of usernames and IPs that are invisible.

It's an inhuman and inefficient solution to a simple problem: Reddit motivates through meaningless internet points and awards those points most efficiently for gaming the system. If you look at the early philosophy of Reddit, it's clearly "Sockpuppet your way to success." It's in the DNA. And you may or may not know this, but Reddit has been "mostly" open-source for five years now - "mostly" because the only parts they've kept closed are their anti-spam measures, which they have locked down tighter than the W88. Trust me - I've probably spent 20 hours on the phone with Admins, 40 hours on chat, and half a day in their offices. They'll tell you about anything except the methods that keep Reddit from turning into this.

Here's the secret: They have no secrets. They have no methods. All they have is people diligently commenting users out of the code. The difference between Reddit and Webtoid is curation and shooting people in the dark. And remember - they aren't "people people." They're coders.

You've figured it out. You can get a gajillion points on Reddit without breaking a sweat. What you haven't figured out is that anyone with half an interest in getting a gajillion points can do it - Karmanaut would openly and freely state his methods to anyone who asked back when he gave up on his old accounts and lemme tell ya - all/hot/1hr isn't rocket science. The thing of it is, Reddit isn't engineered to thwart you. It's engineered to presume you don't give a shit.

Think of Reddit like a pinball machine without a tilt sensor. I used to like to play it to see where the ball would go, to see what strange noises it would make, to see what it would teach me about life. Most of you guys in here? You like to grab the bottom and roll the ball through the 5000 point gate again and again and again because you like to hear the same monotonous ding ding ding.

This is my Reddit.

This is yours.

And we could all get along except for the fact that there's only one Reddit, and it's either your Reddit or mine.

You're winning. Shit, you won over a year ago.

I wrote a long, impassioned plea against reposts two years ago. Someone somewhere or other quoted it every week for the better part of two years. Then the guy who submitted it to /r/bestof deleted his account; the guy who submitted the repost deleted his account. That plea is now unsearchable because the Admins haven't indexed comments for nearly two years so sorting by "top" doesn't find two thirds of what I've written.

Which, really, is okay, because it was a plea to not let Reddit sink into a miasma of triviality, which it most certainly has. Triviality, you see, makes for easier points. What I wrote is no longer topical. Much like Benazir Bhutto warning of the ascendancy of the Taliban in 1989, it doesn't fucking matter 12 years past 9/11. That ship has sailed. Looking back on it, it makes me feel melancholy that we used to care. We used to worry about the future. We used to strive to prevent exactly this from happening.

I'm sorry to break this to you, but you aren't practicing the Crane Kick. You're practicing The Dougie. And what used to be a dojo for debate has become a dance floor for dorks.

I've said my peace. I won't be saying it again. Thanks for your time, and carry on.

kleinbl00 799 days ago  ·  link

Hell yeah! How'd you find that?

iamducky 799 days ago  ·  link

I have no clue. I've just been sitting here reading through your old comments and shit for a while. Damn.

kleinbl00 799 days ago  ·  link

Fuck, not even I do that. Have a badge.

kleinbl00 799 days ago  ·  link

Yeah, but it's invisible to searches. Interesting. Didn't know you were on here!

iamducky 799 days ago  ·  link


kijafa 817 days ago  ·  link

You know what would be great about Hubski? If people stopped linking to Reddit on it.

kleinbl00 817 days ago  ·  link

You could ignore #Reddit like most of us.

flagamuffin 817 days ago  ·  link

That's not a particularly good solution. A quick glance at the #reddit page shows a couple of posts I found quite interesting in the last month that I would have missed if I had exercised blunt force on the tag.

I am assuming the century club is people with 100000 comment karma (or maybe link karma, or both) on reddit. I genuinely don't understand people who use reddit for the subs like r/drama, r/karmaconspiracy, etc, and who think about karma every time they use reddit (or indeed, at all). I tend to typecast them into a group of people who care more about the internet than they do about learning from the internet, which may or may not be fair. I find this pathetic when I bother to think about it. From reading this, I don't think you're one of those people, but maybe you've got some insight on what the hell they get out of their time on reddit.

kleinbl00 817 days ago  ·  link

My personal take is that they like to watch the numbers spin and they don't realize it isn't a pachinko game, it's an odometer.

Some people play Farmville. Some people play Reddit. I just with their game didn't fuck with mine.

flagamuffin 817 days ago  ·  link

    they don't realize it isn't a pachinko game, it's an odometer.

And there's some solidly sad imagery to top off my Friday afternoon. Reminds me of Burn after Reading in a depressive sort of way.

kleinbl00's previous #reddit posts: