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comment by blackfox026
blackfox026  ·  505 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 1, 2023

I'm job searching and I'm terrified. My current work pays well but it's a part-time gig that doesn't offer enough hours, and I've just pulled the end of the meager savings I had out of my IRA to hopefully give me enough time to find something consistent with benefits. I have at least a few months, but nobody is offering anything to entry-level engineers. Everyone's looking for experience, and all the positions I see are for senior engineers. I'm throwing resumes at those positions anyway but I know it's fruitless. It just gives me a chance to feel like I'm doing something. In the meantime I'll keep spending my free time learning skills that will hopefully broaden my options. Neural nets, DSP, C. Next is probably getting a basic understanding of SQL.

Things are going well with the person I'm seeing--I think we're solidly in situationship territory. They only came out as a lesbian recently and as nonbinary even more recently than that, and they weren't intending to jump into something monogamous so quickly. I'm the first person they've really dated since coming to terms with all of that, and they've mentioned they still want to have more varied sexual experiences. The intimacy is good, the sex is really good, we text every day, our personalities mesh well, and we have fun going out. We're both reliable, considerate, and attentive to each other's needs in various contexts. We're both independent and want to live our own lives. I'm interrogating a lot of my beliefs around what it means to be with someone, what it means to label it, and what I'm actually looking for. Most of my needs are met. I'm just working on getting used to the idea that when spring/summer rolls around we might be fucking other people.

The stark acceleration of anti-trans and anti-queer legislation is terrifying on a deep level.

I also reconnected with an old friend who I hadn't spoken to since transitioning. It was good to see him again! I'm recognizing how important it is to have friends in your 30's. I'm hoping that when (if) my financial situation stabilizes I'll have some energy to make more.