This book is so overwhelmingly quotable and thought provoking, that if I stopped to read to Dala every last bit that stands out to me, I'd just read her the whole book. Likewise, if I stopped to share on here every last bit that stands out to me, I'd just be typing out the whole book. So obviously I won't be doing that. That said though, I just got done reading a passage out of this book, just a section of a paragraph, that I think says so, so much and I feel compelled to share it.
For context here, Desmond Tutu is talking about the formation and the makeup of The Truth and Reconciliation Commission, of which there were 17 members from various races, religions, and political affiliations.
- We were, as I said, broadly representative of our South African society. That representativeness was a very important attribute to have but it caused us a major headache. We came from diverse backgrounds and we were to discover that apartheid had affected us all in different ways. We learned to our chagrin that we were a microcosm of South African society, more deeply wounded than we had at first imagined. We found that we were often very suspicious of one another and that it was not easy to develop real trust among us. We realized only later that we were all victims of a potent conditioning, with ready-made judgments of those who belonged to other groupings. We would, most of us, have protested vehemently that we were not using stereotypes.
This is about halfway through the fifth chapter of an already pretty hard to read book. Desmond Tutu does a very good job of avoiding using emotionally charged language and has described some pretty horrific incidences in basically neutral tones. Even then, I can't help but feel a great deal of sadness by what I'm reading. This one bit here, is probably the most heartbreaking thing I've read yet though. I think it speaks volumes that even a group of people with a single goal in mind and the best of intentions in their hearts have to struggle in such a way. I think it speaks volumes as to why sometimes society seems really messed up.
Don't really think I have much insightful to say, but this thought up here is important. The question I am left asking is whether we are doomed to this? Will things get better in my lifetime? I heard someone say once that as a first pass estimate, it takes about as long for conflict to be resolved as the conflict had been going on in the first place. In SA that means we are only about 10% of the way there, according to the consensus for when the shit hit the fan. I think the Arch is right in saying there's no future without forgiveness, but these days one has to wonder whether forgiveness has any value if it was given for free. 24 years is sadly enough time for us to collectively begin to forget the past, with the result being that no-one really knows what they gave away or gained anymore. It's a bad place to be because it means that now we can't even agree that we "have the same goal in mind". The irreversibility of that lost opportunity is honestly the saddest part for me.I think it speaks volumes that even a group of people with a single goal in mind and the best of intentions in their hearts have to struggle in such a way. I think it speaks volumes as to why sometimes society seems really messed up.
I have read so many pieces and heard so many lectures on the value of forgiveness over the years, from the practical and mundane to the spiritual, that I can't help but think that we actually under appreciate the amount of power it can have. I think the best way that I often see it, is that it doesn't mean there will be no punishments or retributions, because one is a necessary deterrent to keep things from going wrong and the other is a necessary tool to help right things after they've gone wrong. What it does mean though, is that it gives us the power to make the conscious decisions to not let the past negatively affect our present and therefore limit our future. By forgiving someone, we're giving them the ability to continue with their lives and not let their past mistakes weigh them down. More importantly though, by forgiving someone, we're giving ourselves the ability to continue with our lives and not let their past mistakes weigh us down. As a really clunky metaphor, let's pretend we're swimming in an ocean, lost. In one hand we're holding a brick labeled "anger" and in the other hand we're holding a brick labeled "resentment." We want to hold onto these bricks because we're emotionally and psychologically attached to them. Is it possible to keep swimming while holding onto them? Yes. Would it be easier to keep swimming if we let go of them? Yes. Now lets pretend a ship is passing us by and they throw down a rope so we can climb aboard. Is it possible to climb the rope while still holding onto the two bricks? How much easier would it be if we let go of one? How much easier would it be if we let go of both? No one can tell us to hold onto the bricks or let them go, or when or how or why we do it. That's all left up to us as individuals. But if and when we choose to let go, and really let go of them, we might find ourselves more capable of navigating the world around us and seizing opportunity when it comes our way. This was a beautiful post by the way.[T]hese days one has to wonder whether forgiveness has any value if it was given for free.