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A pleasant little story! I do like your descriptions. However, your comma usage seems a little jarring. Try mixing up your sentence structure a little more and using transition words. Maybe a little more like this? On a bench, an old man sleeps. He is ragged looking; many nights on a bench will leave anyone the same. Newspapers scatter in the wind. After all, one man's news is another man's blanket. The old man stirs, groggily rubbing his eyes. Before him, the young man stands, offering the greasy bag. A grubby hand reaches out, while a shabby head nods. The young man continues on with a swelling heart.
Difference · 3195 days ago · link ·
Yeah, i've always had a problem with commas. I like them... a lot. Thanks for the feedback!