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cgod  ·  4818 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not “Crazy”
Well I don't think that I gaslight, but I certainly know men and couples who seem pretty set on rails as far as engaging in ritual gas-lighting in the home. I feel like I know some gay men who have a dominant partner who puts this on the other, will have to watch them in action and see how well they fit the profile.

I have been in relationships with women that frequently became crazed about stuff that I would consider relatively minor inconsequential bullshit, in these relationships I suppose I did "gaslight," but in the medium term what I did was break up with them because I don't really care for dramatic hysteria. It's hard to deal with someone who is freaking out, crying and seething over seating at a wedding or not getting the work assignment they thought they deserved, a natural reaction for me to that kind of hullabaloo is to to suggest that such a person chill the fuck out, and try to make some adult choices and have an adult reaction.

I would say that in my current relationship (marriage) my wife and I have irrational freakouts at about the same rate, which probably means that I have more irrational freakouts ( pretty sure I'm biased toward my own healthy mental state). Because one of the major factors that has kept us together and our relationship strong is that neither of us generally gets hung up on bullshit, I think we are relatively tolerant when the other has some kind of rare mental breakdown. This might include at some point stating that either of us might be blowing this something out of proportion, and taking the time to break a problem down, finding out why we are so bent out of shape and considering a healthier response. Some stages of this could be considered "gas-lighting" but really sometimes irrational behavior needs to be called out, I don't think we do this in an unkind or unproductive way.

I think to some extent women have culturally been programed to act "hysterically." For a long time women were forced to take the role of the weaker sex, chained to the children and the stove, kept form careers and money of their own. When you don't have control over your life, and the dominant member of a relationship maintains control by demeaning your intellect, emotional control and ability to be an important human being unhealthy emotional outburst are probably par for the course, ala "yellow wallpaper." To some extent female irrationality has been fashionable historically, while I can not claim any real scholarship in this field, I can think of cases when strong stimuli are famed to have caused fainting women of the higher classes. It was a mark of their fineness and quality that course stimuli would cause them to collapse. It was said that Marie Antoinette would faint at the mere picture of a lobster, but she was one of the great bullshitter manipulators of her age, I'm pretty sure that it was all an act, but an act put on to show her fine qualities.

Now that I am aware of gas-lighting I will use it against feminine antagonists when the gloves come off. It's a pretty impressive and easy way to gain an slight advantage, and no not against my wife or daughter, but against the random person that has decided they will lock horns against me, the lady who cuts in line, or the "customer" that has decided to define what my job is ect...