Great points, thanks! Can't believe I completely forgot to mention that the EVM runs on ETH.
I added pretty much all of your points to the main text. The only thing I couldn't find a place for is your note that it's buying futures (and that's mostly because I don't know how futures work.) Re: security:
Ethereum's security thus comes from a) keeping everyone on the latest block, b) having miners do an arbitrary amount of work, and c) only accepting the result after the majority has validated it. So where normal money (called 'fiat' by people who clearly have never driven a small Italian cars) is secure because it's backed by governments, cryptocurrency is only as secure as its protocols are.