So really, you're asking why CC&Rs exist?

You've got a long preamble on shit you've put up with in your life but it exists to defend and excuse this passage:

That’s what I kept thinking to myself until I saw that the house diagonally across the street from ours has to late ‘90s, early 2000s waverunners, sitting right next to the curb, decrepit and bleached from years of neglect as they lay out in the sun. Then all of the sudden, the neighborhood suddenly felt very rough to me, and Dala got the same vibes.

It's an excusable passage. Personal watercraft owners can be stereotyped. Many CC&Rs (and some more restrictive municipal codes) require boats to be covered, or under carports, or not even on the property. Shit, many CC&Rs give you three choices of paint color and fine you if your grass is more than 3" long. It all depends on what you want. And what do you want?

Ask yourself this: if the house catty-corner had a '64 Beetle on blocks, how would you feel? It's got about the same value. It's got a similar community. But it's a car, not a pair of jetskis.

My neighbor across the street has a blue '68. He's a great guy. In his 60s. I got to know him when his hip replacement fell out of its socket last month. Neighbors I share a lawn with? One of 'em is from Bhutan. She's got a grown son in his 40s with Down's Syndrome. He likes to sing off-key. Her yard is immaculate. Other neighbor? Their driveway looks nicer than mine and they got new cars. There are also seven of them living in 1100sqft. Last week my daughter told me that when she smoked, she'd only do it outside like my neighbor. And from the front, you can't tell that they've got a blue tarp keeping the rain off the side where the siding has fallen off.

Jetskis? Those are my brother-in-law's. He owns four. No idea why - he can only ride one at a time but he gets great deals on them because as you may have noticed, the depreciation curve on jetskis is precipitously steep. I'll say this: he's got a stove that cost more than my wife's Honda because he's a contractor for rich people... and he's one of the nicest people I know.

Especially if you want to surf off Camp Pendleton because the minute you set foot on the shore the MPs will arrest you but if you've got a decent jet ski? You can surf up to about 20 feet and have some of the nicest, most deserted surfing in Southern California.

EDITED TO ADD: and I sure as shit wouldn't buy a house in this market unless I absolutely had to. You started looking right about the time pricing disconnected from fundamentals. You are now looking at a time when panic has set in. The more home improvement shows there are on TV, the less motivated you should be to buy a house.