Two persons have recently changed my perception of things.
I told a few Pubskis ago about Patrick, an old American teaching Theory of Language. He's a mechanical engineer, and it's his wife, a Russian native, that's supposed to teach the class. Our dean, however, has decided that having an American for a teacher would be a good listening practice.
He's an interesting man and a cool teacher, even if not the most equipped one for this topic. Besides, he's an American. For me, it's a great opportunity to come in contact with the culture I love, and I enjoy it as much as I can.
I've spoken to Patrick after the classes. I like him, and he likes me. During the conversation, after everyone else was gone, he said my English was very good. Said I'm clever and particularly charismatic, though he couldn't put his finger on the source. Said I had presentation that any good job requires. Said I knew where I was going and am working my way towards it. With that, he said, I'm going places. Also said I'm handsome, "so take advantage of it while you're young!".
I still don't know how I feel about it - just that I feel good. They were genuine compliments, and I appreciate that. When talking about making my way through life and getting to what I want in it, Pat said "I know you already know all this. I'm telling you that to reinforce it; that what you know is right". It moved me. Made me want to get shit done: because I can. However I feel about it, I appreciate hearing that.
That was thing one.
goobster told me once what condenses to "You don't have time to work for less than your time is worth". Whether he knows it or not, he's very much right. Most of the days, I can't make effort even for things I enjoy because I'm drained. For me, his advice is not about work ethics: it's about lifestyle.
I've been doing well not looking for other people's attention and company lately. I've been content with myself. One thing I still do, though, is look for the attention of women in my life, mostly those around me in the uni. Two days ago, I've burned a handful of neurons over not finding a copy of the lecture notes. I was afraid not of losing them, but that I wouldn't be able to send them to the girl asking. Yesterday, I had the idea to organize a speaking club just so I could spend some time with another girl, whom I already have an on-and-off history with.
Yearning for someone's company, I realized, made me anxious of not getting it. It turns me into a worse person: jealous, fear-ridden, demonizing.
I guess I'm mature enough to recognize when a relationship is not worth the game. Our environment shapes us, and the people we spend time with are our environment. The people we are breeds the people we are; the things we do breeds the things we do. Being around someone who doesn't appreciate me will only lead to me learning the behavior, and it's something I no longer want.
In other news, I'm rapidly gathering people who are interested in learning Russian with my help. Just this week, I gave my contacts to two people. Never thought it's something I would do, but I'd be a fool to miss the opportunity.